We want you or I want you?
by ayazel tsukuyomi
Summary: ON HOLD In order for Roy to get promoted to Fuhrer and get his goal: female officers in tiny skirts, he must convince Ed to act like his loyal men and make him follow orders at all cost. How far this one operation step ahead to promotion can go?
1. The Chosen One

My first FMA fiction ever! I couldn't take it anymore, I've wanted to write a Full metal Alchemist fiction to my guts, so here I am!

This story will contain shounen ai later on, my writing style probably sucks and hope ya enjoy!

Disclaimer- I don't own nothing yet. But, I can snap my fingers that fire doesn't come out!

Chapter 1- The Chosen One

It was normal yet boring day at the State Alchemist Headquarters in Central. It was boring because no missions and no new alchemist yet. The phone rang in the office of Colonel Roy Mustang. He was doing his latest dozen of paperwork in boredom. He decided to answer the phone.

"Hello, Mustang speaking…" said Roy in boredom, like he was working in a fast food joint, taking a customer's order.

"_Hello Mustang, long time no see." _

The Flame Alchemist recognized the voice "Fuhrer King Bradley."

"_How are you today?"_

"Paperwork, sir. Nothing but the old paperwork routine today."

"_Meaning bored?"_

"Yes. Why are you calling, sir? You never call or come by in important military issues or rainy days."

"_I'm calling because I'm about to give you a important mission, Mustang."_

"How many state alchemist it takes for the mission, sir?"

"_Is it a normal day, you're under the paperwork and you're bored?"_

"Yes."

"Then no, just only you."

"I see. How important is this mission?"

**Outside Roy's office…**

A certain lime headed, wearing square glasses on his face and the state alchemist uniform, was on the phone. Well he was more like talking Fuhrer Bradley's accent.

"Let's just say that it has to do with your life, it's no ordinary mission and you'll thank me for the rest of your life."

"_All right then. Tell me the mission and details." _the one faking the Fuhrer snickered. But it wasn't heard because he covered his mouth with his hand.

"Listen very carefully. I'm not repeating one more time."

"…"

"Find. Yourself. A. Good. Wife!"

"_Yes, sir-- What? Since when do you care about my sex life?" _exclaimed Roy embarrassed and the lime headed snickered again a bit more louder, once again with his hand covering.

"…_unless you're…MAES!" _

"No Mustang! You're highly mistaken!" said Maes Hughes still maintaining the accent, regaining control. He got no reply.

"Hello? Mustang? Are you there? Where are you?"

"_Right behind you." _the Major turned around slowly, finding Roy still holding the phone with a vein popped up and a '_ready to snap my fingers on your ass' _look on his face. Maes laughed nervously and spoke in his normal accent, keeping the cool.

"Oh hi Roy! You just caught me talking to Gracia and Elycia! Uh both send hi to you!" said Maes making up an excuse because he knows what would happen next if he doesn't save his sorry ass from Mustang: Mr. Snappy Fingers i.e. Mustang's fingers that when he snaps, fire snaps.

Maes talked now as he talked to his family on the phone. "Sorry I gotta go. See ya two later at home, luv you two! Buh byes!" he blew a kiss and hanged the phone up.

"Maes, I've heard enough. Don't pretend and you're not fooling me anymore."

"I wasn't I swear!" the Major begged to him so Roy would believe him.

"I'm not buying it."

"Do I look like I'm lying, Roy?" Maes said now with a halo appearing on his head, an angel look and those angelic tunes and background popped out of nowhere. Maes face turned into doom, the tunes and the background as soon as Roy showed him his '_ready to snap_' fingers in front of his face.

"The truth now or feel the wrath of Mr. Snappy Fingers!" the Colonel snapped with his eyes burning in fury.

"Ok, ok, ok! You got me! I lied! But please keep Mr. Snappy Fingers from snapping and away from me!" cried the Major with tears flowing anime style.

The Flame Alchemist sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Why'd you do the prank call, Maes?"

"I did it cuz you need to chill out, man! You look like those workers in the fast food joint. Boring and lifeless!"

"And do I look like I needed the prank call for my therapy?"

"Yeah…" muttered Maes. As he saw him pulling out a hand away from his right pocket, he thought twice. "I mean no! Lighten up, will ya?"

"What are you talking about? I was going to pick up that quarter on the floor beside you," said Mustang pointing the item and Maes fell over.

Roy sighed and had a stressed look.

"What's wrong, Roy? You look stressed…" Hughes said with concern.

"1) Paperwork and 2) I still can't figure out how I can get a promotion to a higher rank this time…"

"Oh that. Did you tried sucking up and butt kissing?"

"Been there. Done that. Moved on." Mustang replied walking back to his office.

Maes followed him, giving him another suggestion. "What about cleaning his pool?"

"They don't have a pool, they have a beach." Roy said sitting in his chair desk.

"Oh yeah. If you were their beach boy, the shark probably eat ya." Mustang rolled his eyes. "What about--"

"Thanks for the ideas, Maes. But the only thing I can do for it is pray and do my job."

"All right. Sounds like another good safe choice. What'cha gonna do now?"

"Finish the paperwork…" he mumbled like there's no hope left.

"Ok. Later. I have things to take care as a Major" he turned to leave. Suddenly he stopped his tracks "Oh before I leave, I'm going to tell you one more thing as your friend, Roy." he said with a serious voice and look. Well he sounded more like a doctor about to give bad news to a patient.

The Flame Alchemist looked up to his old time friend. "I'm listening, Maes."

"Find yourself a good wife!"

"That's it!" he exclaimed growling and snapped his fingers at Maes. It was like an explosion that Maes went flying through Mustang's office roof. He screamed like a siren.

**Outside headquarters…**

"Hey what's that thing falling from the sky?" asked Cain Fuery, readjusting his thick glasses and pointing to the falling smoke screaming dot in the sky.

"Is a bird!" exclaimed Jean Havoc as he pointed.

"Is a plane!" exclaimed Vato Falman as he pointed.

"Is a flying omni with an alien inside!" exclaimed Heymans Breda with fear as he also pointed the dot.

"Is Superman!" exclaimed Alex Louis Armstrong, also pointing with the sparkles (tm) around his face.

"You're all wrong! That's Hughes!" exclaimed Riza Hawkeye as she pointed the falling-closing-in Maes, correcting the male soldiers.

"Hughes?" exclaimed the four men in astonishment.

The Major looked directly where he was gonna crash. He tried to stop the ground and screamed louder. He crashed to the ground like a speeding bullet, 25 feet away from Mustang's subordinates. Big amount of sweat drop formed to the back of their heads.

"Well let's not just stand here looking pretty! Let's go help him, slowpokes!" Hawkeye exclaimed now running to the crashed Major and they soon followed her.

Mustang's subordinates scooped their heads at the crashed and burned Maes, who looked like a burned crashed plane in mid air after the wrath snap of Mustang's ignition glove aka Mr. Snappy Fingers.

"Guys, what happened to Hughes to fly, crash and burn like that?" asked Fuery concerned and with curiosity. Exactly what I said…go figure.

"…Mr. Snappy Fingers…" said Hawkeye, Havoc, Falman and Armstrong in unison with a 'the fingers strike again' look and the 'Dun dun dun' sound can be heard in the background.

"AAAAH! Mr. Snappy Fingers was here!" exclaimed Breda with a fear voice and look, the 'Dun dun dun' sound again.

Fuery had a confused look and scratched his head "I don't get it…who's Mr. Snappy Fingers…?" the sound again. Ok, no more finger drama from here.

"Well Mr. Snappy Fingers is a nickname for Mustang's weapon and fingers, the ignition gloves, Fuery." explained Falman.

"We sometimes call Mustang either; Snapitty Fingers or that…" added Havoc.

"Dunno who came up with that…" said Breda scratching his head. Hey it was me! Wait they can't see me…

"Oh I see…no wonder. The name sounds catchy too."

"We should better take Hughes to the infirmary or things get ugly than it looks!" exclaimed Armstrong as if he was in a soap opera and the glitters--err sparkles sparkling his side of his face.

"Right, poor Hughes. We better take him there…" said Havoc kneeling, poked Maes a few times.

The Major fell, as he was a paper to the floor. He cried in pain…it sounded more like crying yodeling.

"…and quickly!" exclaimed everyone in unison and with that, Armstrong grabbed his right leg and Havoc the left one. Falman took his left arm and Breda his right one. Fuery took his head, the one in his face! They lift him.

"Let's go!"

"Aye aye, Hawkeye!"

After many series of crash events while walking or running, Hughes screaming yodeling in pain and agony, they finally made it. Good job soldiers!

**An hour later back at Roy's office… **

The Flame Alchemist was almost finishing his dozen of paperwork till the phone rang again.

He gave a exasperated sigh and picked up the phone. "Look Maes I know it's you! No more prank calls or Mr. Snappy Fingers will take care of this!"

"_Wh-what are you talking about? Is that a way to receive the Fuhrer by phone, Mustang? I thought you were better than that!" _this time it sounded like the real Fuhrer Bradley. Oooooh crap...

Roy had his eyes in dots, his jaw fully open, his forehead through his nose in blue of doomed and sweat drops and three lines ran to his head like a horse race "Oh crap…" like I said.

"_Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" _yelled the Fuhrer.

"My apologies sir! I thought you were someone else!" cried Roy begging.

"…_Understood. However, you are lucky that I'm in a good mood today, if you do this again I'll lower your rank to the floor. The cleaning toilet crew!" _

Roy gulped. "Yes sir! It won't happen again, sir!"

"_Good."_

Roy now talked normal. "Why is your cause to call, sir? A mission or…?"

"_Not really. Since I'm feeling generous and in a good mood…I've been thinking about you and I'm about to give you the promotion of your lifetime. It's time that I promoted you to a higher rank, Mustang."_

"Really?" Roy said it in joy and with sparkles on the sides of his face. He cleared his throat and talked seriously. "I mean really?"

"_Yes, but you must do something to fully earn it first."_

"I'm listening, sir."

'_Thank you god! From now on, I'm going to church every Sunday! Now I can start the SKIRTS foundation! Amen to that_!' thought the Flame Alchemist with tears of joy and the song Hallelujah played.

"_Good listen carefully. You have 2 months to change a certain state alchemist."_

"Who is it?" Roy said it with his voice full of curiosity.

"_Guess who and why that person's needed to be changed. I'll give you a hint: she's or he's in your headquarters." _

Roy thought for a minute, trying to figure out which person Bradley's talking about. "Hmm…Major Maes Hughes? Who's obsessed showing his family's pictures to everyone?"

"_No, try again."_

"First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye? Who's a tomboy?"

"_Wrong."_

"The Strong Arm Alchemist: Alex Louis Armstrong? Who got transferred here lately, always showing off his muscles and the annoying sparkles?"

"_Still no."_

"Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc? Who smokes or have a cigarette in his mouth all the time?"

"_Not even close."_

"Heymans Breda? Who always have a phobia for dogs and he's probably a physic?" (I forgot Breda's position in the army…)

"_No…"_

"Warrant Officer Vato Falman? Who seems to have his eyes glued with Crazy Glue?"

"_Guess again."_

"Master Sergeant Cain Fuery? Who's a wimp?"

"_No and no." _

Mustang sighed and sanked more to his chair. "I give up…"

"_Do you?"_

"Not yet. Me? Who needs to lighten up and find a wife?"

"_That's your problem. No."_

"I really give up this time…"

"_You've forgotten one… but are you sure you've totally given up?"_

"Absolutely. No matter who it is, I'm still up for the mission and my promotion. Just name the person, sir." said the Colonel with a determined voice.

"_That's the spirit! The one I want you to change is…" _and drum rolls sounded. _"…Edward Elric. Why? I want you to make him forget his grudge against working with us and make him change his mind by being one of us."_

"WH-WHAT? FULLMETAL?"

"_Yes."_

"THE FULLMETAL?"

"_Don't make me repeat myself again, yes!"_

"But what he's got to do with my promotion, sir? I just don't get it!"

"_Let's just say that, the little paper from the fortune cookie told me the chosen one for your promotion's fate"._

Roy's eye twitched and fell anime style with his feet up, twitching also.

"You mean you decided my way to get the promotion by consulting a fortune cookie? Why didn't you used the other fashioned way; a committee or something else?" he said going hysterical and paranoid.

"_BECAUSE 1) QUIET, MUSTANG! 2) I'M YOUR BOSS! AND 3) I'M THE ONLY COMMITTEE FOR THE PROMOTIONS DEPARTMENT!"_

"I-I see…"

"_So now you know. If you want your quick promotion, you know what you have to do now until 2 months from now on, change Full metal. I'll come by to Central Headquarters by that time to see the change or you can kiss your promotion to Fuhrer goodbye."_

"B-but but…"

"_I'll be back." _Bradley said it with the Terminator accent. _"Oh and this call will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BOOM!"_


	2. The Meeting with the Subordinates

Hi peeps! Thanks for the reviews! It made my day. I wanna thanks from the deepest helluva pit bottom of Roy's paperwork, Jasmemini, who wrote a poem about Roy and SKIRTS you'll read above! And let's not forget you crazy reviewers in and out there!

**Reviewers spot**-

**Moon Alchemist- **_Thankies! Yep, That's our hilarious Major! So the anxiety for chap 2 is over, here it is!_

**Jasmemini- **_Thanks! Like watching the anime? Well if that happened I would be owning FMA and re-write for Royed (RoyxEd) madness or another pairing I like! Lol Kidding! Here's the update and I'm still very grateful from under Roy's paperwork about the poem! Alas, Your thee name shall be heard!_

**  
Genkai-chan- **_Glad ya luved it! Ok the shounen ai\yaoi goodness is on just right tad later. That's Roy's last resort plans (Something of him not planned or thought) after many plans tried!_ _Very funny/ish clever? Thank\ish! I thought doing this fic while watching the re-runs of the anime, comparing to: Ed's grudge against working in the military plus (+)Roy's dream to become Fuhrer and the female officers in tiny skirts…equals and smells like a RoyxEd get together pairing fic! Or not… Here's the more\ish! lol_

**Shingo-sama- **_lmao, here's the update and glad you like it!_

**  
The New Shinigami Hikari- **_Ah yes, poor Roy-chan! Yup, couldn't agreed with ya more…all Maes fault. Ah don't we all luv him even if he makes Roy angry. Right, Maes-chan? (Maes by my side that had an halo and angelic face)_

**baby-pnut- **_Glad ya like it and that line or quote! That's something that's seems true. Here's the update!_

Disclaimer-Meh, I own nothing like zero calories….

Chapter 2- The Meeting with the Subordinates (revised)

After the Fuhrer exploded--err hanged the phone, Mustang still had the phone on his ear. He had a look like he was told about where babies come from.

'_First paperwork…second prank call…third the Fuhrer calls…and now this! What else can go wrong?_' he thought frustrated, grabbing his hair.

"Well Mustang, you got to do what you got to do if you want to become Fuhrer and SKIRTS to be born and live on… change Ed…but he's a basket case of anger and difficult to convince…" said Mustang in the verge of giving up.

"Gaaaah! I'll do it! But first I need to set up a reunion for ideas for it…I have none, unless I suck up to him or sleep with him…" he said with determination and his face suddenly fell in ewwness.

"Suck up to him or sleep with him? Yeah right!" Roy said with his voice shaking and suddenly he got cut off his own chitchat as he heard a certain voice of a female crying for help outside his office and went to the voice.

A certain brown-haired woman with thick glasses was outside the room holding amounts of paperwork that she was stumbling sideways crying for help.

"Colonel Mustang! Help me! This tsunami of paperwork is getting overrated and washing me away here!" the Flame Alchemist ran to help her by taking the most paperwork as he could with his strong arms, to his desk and she did the same in the meantime.

"Whew! Thanks and here you go, sir!" she said wiping her forehead.

"Where have you been all morning, Sheska?"

"Oh I was in the back of the library: the lost, forgotten and dusty city of books."

"I see."

"Want anything else, Colonel Mustang?"

"Now that you mention it, yes. I want you to inform Hughes, Hawkeye, Armstrong, Havoc, Falman, Breda and Fuery that there's a meeting now in the meeting room."

"Right away, sir!" she said saluting and leaved the room.

**At the infirmary…**

In the infirmary in the patient's room, we find our loving fave prankster Major lying on a bed. His whole body except where his glasses are, covered in bandages. He was in the position of and looked like a Oscar award, except golden though. The subordinates came in to the room.

"Hi Hughes. How are you feeling, soldier?" asked Havoc and Maes talked muffled since his mouth was also covered in the bandages.

"What on earth Hughes is saying…?" asked Armstrong confused along with his sparkles blinking in confusion.

"No idea…" they mumbled and sighed except Fuery, who had his hand under his chin remembering something.

"Wait. He said 'I feel like a mummified Oscar award…If I really was an Oscar award, Roy would be nominated for best angry state alchemist and would be in the category: angry pimpin daddy playa alchemist breaking through the paperwork's side effects " said Fuery, Maes nodded fast trying to say that's what he's trying to say and everyone looked at him.

"What?"

"Hey Fuery, how can ya understand him and translate?" asked Havoc.

"Uh I discovered that while I was like him back in the old days when I got wrapped with toilet paper by bullies." they all sweat dropped.

"Uh good for you. Now you will be translating Maes for all of us from now on while he recovers…" commanded Hawkeye to Fuery.

"Oh no problem! Glad I can be some help."

"…And Armstrong, you'll be carrying Hughes around by that time." she said looking at Armstrong.

"Yes ma'am! Glad to be a service in the community!" he exclaimed with his sparkles brightening in glory.

"Any other or worse damages, Maes?" asked Riza to Maes, he muffled talked and Fuery translated him.

" 'No thank god and don't any of you underestimate Mr. Snappy Fingers ever in your young and single lives.' "

"Hughes to be exact, Mustang _only_ snaps his fingers at you since you're the president of resident-fingers snapper maker." implied Havoc.

" 'Oh right!"

"How long are you gonna be under the bandages?" asked Falman to Maes and he muffled talked again.

"Translation?"

" '3 fully days in this cocoon bandages and that's not all…I need to be hanged by a door or a roof when I sleep.'"

"Hoo boy…"

Now Sheska enters the room "Aha, there you are all! I've been looking for all of you. What happened to the Major?" she asked worried the last part as she saw Maes lying on the bed.

"The Colonel snapped his fingers." said everyone in unison except her like it was a school chorus.

"I see, poor Major Hughes…" Sheska said feeling sorry for the mummified Major.

"What are you doing here, Sheska?"

"Oh that!" she said snapping her fingers. No fire though. "Colonel Mustang gave me a message to all you that there's reunion at the meeting room."

"When?" asked everyone in unison.

"Now."

The Major talked again crying and trying to release himself like he was a madman.

"He says 'Noooo! I don't wanna go where Mr. Snappy Fingers is! Please anything but that!"

"Don't worry, Major Hughes. We'll be on the lookout of Mr. Fingers, right everyone?" said Armstrong and they nodded in agreement.

"I'll do it even if anyone get snapped while watching!" exclaimed Breda and everyone in the room rolled their eyes.

**Later** **at the meeting room…**

Roy was sated on a chair with a notepad and a pencil on his hands, writing something.

"Yes! Is brilliant yet stupid! Muahahahahahaha!" he laughed as a mad scientist, standing up, throwing his hands in the air, laughing evilly and lightning in the background.

The subordinates, whom just came to the room, sweat dropped at Mustang's weird action "Are you all right, Mustang…?" asked everyone to him.

He regained his composure and cleared his throat. "Why are you all asking?"

"Because you were acting and laughing as the mad scientist." said Hawkeye

"Eh no reason! Sit down all" and they did as told.

"What's that giant mummified looking Oscar award wearing glasses doing here? This isn't 'alchemist of the month' day yet." said the Flame Alchemist now looking at the Major with a confused look.

"Uh Colonel Mustang, that's Major Hughes, you're looking under the bandages…" explained Breda.

"Really now…?"

"After you snapped your fingers, he flew and crashed the ground," explained Falman.

The mummified Oscar-err Maes muffled talked and the Flame Alchemist scratched his head, looking more confused.

"The hell Maes saying! We don't have any translator for socks stuffed in the mouth or the turkey stuffed language!"

"Uh sir I can. He says 'They're right, that's me and me only you're looking at, Roy." said and translated Fuery.

"Cool a walking translator...Woops. I guess I over did the snapping. Bad paperwork!" he said putting his hand behind his head.

"Now that's what I call Mustang's paperwork side effects." whispered Falman to his fellow soldiers and they nodded in agreement.

"1) Overactive bursting snapping, 2) Take it all on or blame Hughes and other unnamed or yet known side effects." whispered Havoc.

"Couldn't agreed with you two more." said in agreement Armstrong.

"Hey if it works on Hughes, also for the enemies." added Hawkeye.

"Agreed." said the men in unison.

"Sorry about that, Maes. Later when you get off the cocoon bandages and be a butterfly of yourself, I'll take you for beers. How about it?" said Roy apologizing to his friend, he talked and Fuery translated.

" 'Thanks, Roy! That helps for my therapy."

"Colonel Mustang, what's the reunion about?" asked Falman.

"Oh that." he cleared his throat "I just received a pay call from Fuhrer Bradley…"

"A mission or…?" asked everyone.

"No, no mission though."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm finally going to be the next Fuhrer! Wee!" exclaimed Roy dancing in the room happily.

"And let me guess…you have to do something in Equivalent Exchange for the promotion."

"Affirmative, Hawkeye. The old E.E. system." he said it this time not dancing.

"Then what's this got to do with all us, Mustang?" asked Armstrong.

"Good question…" as he said it, the flame alchemist was now going to an unknown stage with a flag of the military as a curtain behind, those military sounds played and he went to the podium. Mustang was now wearing a suit and his hair gelled back.

"What this got to do with you people? Let's just say a lot! If all of you help me achieve this one-operation-step-ahead to become Fuhrer… there will be juicy benefits! Any question?" said Mustang as he was in a press conference.

The subordinates looked like they were the press staff and one of them raised their arm.

"What are the benefits and do we get promoted also, sir?"

"Yes! All of you will be promoted, Lieutenant Hawkeye! The benefits are almost everything like: dental care, life insurance, for your vacations, retirements and any other benefits out there!"

"There will be finally a gym, sir? We don't have one."

"Damn right, Armstrong! We must train the minds, bodies and souls of the alchemists and the future ones! Heck I might throw a spa too and why don't you do a Tae-bo video! Alchemist style!" and Armstrong's glitter-err sparkle sparkled more like fireworks.

"Sir, can we finally have animals in our dorms and a animal center…?"

"Will there be a center for handling phobia issues…?"

"Two times yes, Fuery and Breda!"

"Sweet!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Can you put a museum full of Elycia's pictures and any other things I forgot to mention?"

"Uh why not, Maes!"

"Coolios!"

"Will you change the sloppy food in the cafeteria…"

"And all Friday nights alcohol happy hour and drunken women?"

"Hell yeah, Falman and Havoc! Happy hours and drunken women are on!"

"Booya!" exclaimed Havoc raising his fist.

"God bless you, Mustang!" exclaimed the Crazy glue-eyed man, kidding!

"And what you'll do for yourself?" asked Maes, you already know how he blabbers.

"That's simple. I'll end the terrible war that is among us. Destroying our peaceful nature between the Ishbalians and ourselves…" he said it in a sad voice, lowering his head and the men cried except Riza who sweat dropped at the crying men

"Now to cheer up the moment…I brought this!" and with that Roy pulled the curtain behind him.

It revealed a stage with a catwalk, spotlights with different colors off, as it was a fashion and modeling show.

"Uh…"

"Behold the next skirts generation of all never happened or seemed skirts generations in this army…the SKIRTS foundation! Hit it girls!" exclaimed Mustang now wearing the state alchemist uniform.

Fashion music played, the spotlights turned on and different women of all different sizes wore female officers uniforms, instead of the pants, skirt. They walked on the catwalk modulating.

"Sweet mother of lord! This is skirt heaven!" exclaimed Havoc and Falman in unison.

"Amen to that!" exclaimed the rest of the men (I dunno much of Armstrong when it comes to women and about him. I say this in case I'm wrong, so don't please snap your fingers!).

"Give me a break!" cried Riza throwing her hands in the air but she got ignored.

"And here comes the mother of all skirts…the mini skirt!" exclaimed Mustang on top of his lungs as a model came wearing the uniform with a mini skirt, the men noses bleed at the sight.

"Long live the mini skirts! " the men exclaimed while she came with the rest of the model.

"Well that's about it for the SKIRTS foundation preview! You may go now, girls." commanded Mustang and with that, the models left in a line the room. They waved at the men good bye and they waved back, also doing signs of call them later.

"Call me!" exclaimed Falman.

"Nuh-uh, call me!" exclaimed Havoc.

"Call only you two? Call the rest of us!" exclaimed the rest of the waving men.

"You have more to share, sir? Please tell me that's it…" said Hawkeye with 'please no more' tone and look.

"Actually, glad you brought it up, Hawkeye. I got more to share! I wrote a poem about it!" he said taking out the notepad from earlier.

"Yaaaay! We wanna hear it!" exclaimed the state alchemists men like they're little kids who an adult gonna read em a story.

"Oh yay…" said Riza not amused.

"Gladly!"

The following stuff Roy says, he says it like he really means it, sitting on a stool, doing movements of the words with his hands and that harmonica sound from the series played:

"Beholding the skirt in all it's splendour

One cannot help but silently wonder

How the hell did she become so tender!

Alas, yet I find myself asunder.

Oh, some people call it idealistic…

But me? I call it fan boy-ism-ness.

What I have to say? UP YOURS SIMPLISTIC!

Blind men cannot view the mini skirt-ness.

What is my goal? I shall become Fuhrer!

Why? So that all the female officers….

SHALL WEAR MINI SKIRTS! It makes them cuter.

Oh, it will mean more traffic officers.

The woman officer shall wear a skirt

Hey! Don't look at me like I am the dirt!"

After Mustang recited his poem towards skirts, the subordinates had following thoughts, comments or looks:

"Oookaay…These SKIRTS had gone were Roy has never gone before…" muttered Hawkeye with a 'Mustang totally lose it' look.

Armstrong's sparkles fell of impression. "Speechless…like a punch hitting my face."

Fuery looked dumbfounded. "Oookaay…that was artistic and poetic of the Colonel at least." and Maes muffled-- you know the drill.

"Hughes' saying 'You should quit the army, become a poet or get married. That was very poetic."

Havoc, Falman and Breda were crying, blowed their noses and applauded. All in the room looked at them.

"That was so beautiful! Encore! Encore!" Falman and Breda exclaimed chanting.

Havoc took out a lighter and lit it, lifting it up in the air like it was a rock concert "Mustang you're Messiah!"

"Yes! So when I win that promotion, I'll even do a movie! So are you all up for the job?" asked the Flame Alchemist now normal.

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed everyone in unison raising their fists.

"That's the spirits, soldiers! But there's one obstacle to the road of our promotions…and it only has two words…"

"Oh?" asked everyone in unison.

"Edward Elric."

"Uh…"

"Roy, what's Ed got to do with it?"

"Well let me explain, Maes…Fuhrer Bradley told me that if I want to be promoted in 2 months, I must change Full metal's grudge against you guys know what at any cost."

"Oh…Oh!"

"So you want ideas and help for it, Mustang?" asked Falman.

"Yes, that is the whole point of this meeting, Falman. Speaking of Fullmetal…where is he and Alphonse? I haven't seen them for a while…"

"They went to search for the Philosopher's stone." said Armstrong.

"What again?" said in unison Mustang, Havoc, Falman and Hughes, translated though

"Well that's typical and usual of Edward and Alphonse Elri.c" said Hawkeye crossing her arms. Then an idea struck the First Lieutenant's mind, that made her snap her fingers. No fire on this one. "Hey I got an idea! After they come back, why don't you throw them a little homecoming party, sir?" suggested Riza.

"Not bad, Riza… "

"But when are they coming back to the headquarters…?" asked Breda and all of em had a dry look suddenly.

"No idea…" said everyone in unison, gave a defeated sigh and the looks defeated.


	3. The Return of the Elric brothers

Hi people! Sorry for the lateness thingy! No idea to finish this chapter and I was busy with college and busy! So I made this longer!

**Please note or remember that...**

1)In this fic, Maes won't die or any other FMA fics I come up! HOORAH!

2) Uh I forgot that Roy's is now a Colonel! Therefore, that will be on for him if he gets promoted. He'll skip being a General.

3) The homunculi's like Envy, Lust and Gluttony might appear later when or if I figure their roles for this fiction.

4) Winry will appear later. Why? Let's just say to let out a certain someone's boiled nor hidden jealousy! (grins) Plus she'll be needed...I think .

5) If you like to contribute ideas for this fiction or others of mine, feel free to tell in a review or by e-mailing me 24 and they'll be kindly evilly used. Guaranteed!

6) Got question? I'll answer them.

7) Got flames to send? Go ahead. I don't mind em' cuz I'll make toast in the morning with em.

8)Constructive criticism? Yeah!

9) Armstrong is Major so he can be in the fic. So we got two different Majors'! Or Maes will get his promotion…**  
**

**Reviewers spot- **_You guys will shine like Roy just torched an enemy to hell with his fingers! lol I'm joking. Random ranting...moving on!_

**Jasmemini- **_I say hoorah for the poem and let's throw a paaaaah-ty! Here's the update!_

**Kurama Fatal Grace- **_Thanks! Wait no more! Here's another long chapter!_

**Shingo-sama- **_Lazy huh? Thanks! Really? Roy looks now like he's on crack? Welltell me if in this chapter he's also cracked, I need to keep up his crackness like a fresh cracker for another chapters. Here's the update!_

**Genkai-chan- **_Hey not bad the closet issue! I wrote it in this chapter! Don't worry about Maes, being him a mummy it has advantages in the next chap and also he'll be striking back. He'll be out of the bandages! Ok I'll try make it a Royed WAFFY thing! But it's my first time that I write fluff...but I'll give it a shot! Here's the update!_

**.Flight.of.Angels.- **_Thankyous very much! The wait's over because here's the chapter!_

**Sango-maru- **_Stupidest fanfic you've ever read...? (dry look) But still like it? (sparkle in my eyes) Yeah I guess so. Nice to know this fic is a reminder! Hope you drop by again!_

**Shizuma The Black Magician Alchemist- **_Welcome to the club of interesting this fic. I see this fic just hypnotized you. Press 1 for further info, lol kidding. Yes, we all need to see Edward so here's a long chap of it! Here's the update till the till then!_

**Cassiel Darkmoon- **_Thanks! I over describe the anime effects...? I'm sorry, since I'm not very good describing things and I take it seriously, maybe that's why. I'll take the tip, I'll try! Whatddaya mean '_"_Lighten up and fine a wife"? I feel like I just went to take Maes' advice. Thanks again!_

**  
**Well I blabbered enough for the day! Let's get the show on the road!

Disclaimer- I own nothing ... But then again, I own and wrote this fiction as an excuse for Roy and Ed to be together! (Evil grin)

Chapter 3- The Return of the Elric Brothers (revised)

After what it seemed like a long dead funeral moment…

"What are we going to do now, chief? Breda's right." said the Second Lieutenant.

"Yeah. God knows when are they coming back this time…" said the Warrant Officer.

"It can take longer than last time…" said the First Lieutenant.

"Here's what are we going to do: we just have to wait until we hear a peep from the Elric boys. If they do, one of you let me know…until then, let's keep things on the down low. All of you, dismissed!" commanded and exclaimed Mustang.

"Yes, Colonel Mustang sir!" exclaimed the low ranks state alchemists saluting as Mustang leaved the room.

"Whew! At least he didn't tell us to go back to work…" said in relief Havoc.

"Amen to that…" said everyone else also in relief. Roy appeared by the door suddenly.

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell one more thing…all of you can go back to work now. " and with that the Colonel leaved this very time. All of them had a look as if they saw a ghost and Breda farted.

"Wh-what?"

"How he do that!"

"Well let's not forget that he's Roy Mustang, the man who can make anyone lives hell by just working with him…" implied Hawkeye.

"Uh-huh..." they all nodded and went to do their everyday boring we know work .

**One day later with still no sign but there's signal in my cell phone and at night at Roy's apartment…**

The Flame Alchemist was pacing up and down with his arms crossed in the living room and with a desperate angry look. He looked like a train pacing up and down with no smokes coming out though.

'_Dammit! Still no sign of Ed or Al yet!_' and he stopped the pace '_Maybe Full Metal arrived after I left the headquarters…?_'

"DAMN RIGHT! FULL METAL MUST THERE BY NOW!" and suddenly he felt is wooden floor banging.

"Roy! Shut the hell up! I'm trying to sleep here but I can't because of your romantic drama and your missing for Edward Elric since a while now!" screamed an angry old woman, who lives down Roy. He blushed a little at what the old woman just said.

"Uh sorry about that Mrs. Tupperware! It wasn't me, it was the T.V.!" he yelled to the floor, apologizing to his down grumpy neighboress.

"Yeah right, Romeo! Now let me sleep!" she yelled back replying.

"Grumpy lying old hag…" he muttered under his breath as he sat on the sofa behind him.

"I wasn't screaming like if really I like Full Metal and miss him…do I? Do I really like him and miss him…?" he said softly wondering.

"Well can't deny that he's cute…especially when he's mad at me for calling him short names. No wonder I always tease him or make him mad…Ed's so cute. " he said in awe and a blush spread on his cheeks at the thoughts.

How did those thoughts started to happen? It all started after Edward left with his younger brother Alphonse in their usual journey; the search of the Philosopher's stone around 3 months ago. Mustang was more drowned in the paperwork and the headquarters got more boring each passing day like I said in the beginning of the first chapter. Even if Roy has people to make lives a living hell, to snap his fingers and his long time friend Maes Hughes, who turned down a promotion for the highest rank in the Investigation Department: Lieutenant Colonel. When he got clues that lead him of why Roy is so sour lately, not only Hughes turned down the promotion but also he stayed working in Central, still as a Major to lighten up his days (and his fingers). Still, the place was not the same without Full metal. That is when the Colonel started to miss the chibi bishonen, heck like him! He had no one else to call short names if they are height sensitive, someone to give dirty jobs plus good hours of argument. Maes tried to talk with Roy about it and the few times he gets plastered at the bar, but he either denies it nor makes an excuse that he has to work.

"God...I want to..."and he stopped right there before he could finish more the sentences, trailing off thinking. Roy's eyes widen, shook his head and started slapping himself repeatedly after he began to think yaoi thoughts.

"Ew! Bad boy Mustang! Shove those heavens forbids thoughts aside! You're a lady's man! Not a hunk magnet for Edward!" he exclaimed between slaps.

"Roy, you're at it again!" yelled Mrs. Tupperware, also known as 'She guess it!'.

"Sorry it wasn't me!" he yelled again stopping the slap fest.

'_Note to self: More paperwork from now on for this kind of...how can I put this carefully? Ew-disgusting-perverted-I don't wanna think anymore thoughts_!' Roy thought nodding hastily.

"To change the subject and the scenery…" Roy said picking up the old-fashioned phone beside the sofa, dialing a number. This is when I ask myself: where's Radioshack when you need it...? "…Let's see if they really arrived." and he waited for someone to pick up the phone.

"_Hello and later. Call tomorrow or when I woke up…I'm kinda busy here..."_

"Is this how you talk to your Colonel, Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc!"

"_Oh sorry, chief! My bad!"_

"Never mind..."

_"Ok. So what's up with the pay call at this hour? Is late now." _

"Havoc, it's only 7pm."

_"I know but, I'm busy here!"_

"Don't tell me...a hot date tonight?"

_"Yup yup yup! I'm getting ready for it! I'll give details tomorrow back at the headquarters or else my date will get cold."_

"Well then let's cut to the chase. It's the Elric boys arrived at the headquarters finally?"

_"Last time I was at the headquarters today...nope they haven't. Why don't you ask anyone else? Maybe they know something." _

"Thanks. By-"

_"Later!" _Jean hanged up the phone before Roy could finish another word. He tried another phone number.  
**  
At Hawkeye's place...**

Riza just came in to her home cuz she just opened the front door, duh. She just got back from gun training, practicing for three guns. I don't wanna go there… Black Hayate went to greet her as she shut close the door. He barked and jumped at her, making her fall to the floor since he was reaching almost the size of an adult dog.

"Hey boy! Are you hungry as I am?" and he barked.

"Thought so." she was about to say more till her phone rang. Riza picked up the Flimstone's phone, kidding! The old-fashioned phone.

"Hello, Riza speaking."

_"Hello Riza, Roy's speaking." _

"Hello sir. What is your cause to call?"

_"Is the Elric boys arrived yet?" _

"Negative"

_"I see. Well see you tomorrow at the headquarters. Bye." _

"Bye" she hanged the phone.

"Damn. The Colonel's obsessed. It's been like this since yesterday after he got to his office...Let's face it! The man needs another life..." said Hawkeye to herself and Black Hayate barked breaking her own chit chat.

"Oh sorry, Black Hayate. I'll get your food now." and with that she went to get food for her pet and herself.

**At Hughes' residence...**

"All right Mr. Hughes, can you speak now?" asked a 'we don't know where we got him' doctor to Hughes, who had the head part un-wrapped.

"I think I can, doctor." said Maes like he's trying to speak for the first time, more like echoing (I put Maes like he's talking normal so we can understand what he's saying. Remember that he's talking like a retard or something due to his injuries!).

"No you can't very well, honey..." said Gracia who was beside the doctor.

"But I just talked, dear!"

"Yes but looks like the injuries you got from earlier, not only fractured almost your whole body but it also fractured a bit the jaw area..." explained the doc.

"What does that means doctor? Is it bad for Maes?" asked Gracia worried.

"Not exactly Mrs. Hughes. It means that your husband will be talking like a retard."

"For how long?"

"Maybe until past tomorrow. If you want to avoid further embarrassments, I suggest you keep your mouth wrapped, if you know what I mean."

"I see."

"Can I still work, right?"

"You still can work in the military, as long you don't crack your bones. Speaking of it, let's check if your other injuries healed a bit, so you can at least yell at work." The doc said and took out a little hammer. He test it for a second on Maes and the results…

"AAAH! That hurts!" screamed the Major in pain and the doctor sighed.

"No, you're still bad but healing faster than the speeding bullet. I suggest you come by the hospital tomorrow; there I'll give you the therapy you need if you want to recover and get out of the bandages by past tomorrow."

"That's some good news, doctor. Maes and I will be there first thing tomorrow after we drop our daughter to her nursery school" said Mrs. Hughes, the doc nodded and then the phone rang.

"I'll get the phone..." said Gracia going to the ringing contraption and picked it up.

"Hello?"

_"Hello Gracia." _

"Oh hello Roy! What a surprise." she said in acknowledge to the voice.

_"Is Maes there?" _

"Yes but Maes is kind of busy. He's been attended by a doctor for his injuries you gave him."

"_Oh sorry about that." _

"It's ok. I know why and we're used to it."

"_Thanks for understanding. So can I speak with him now?"_

"Let me check…" and now Gracia talked to Maes "Maes, Roy wants to speak with you"

Hughes looked at the doctor if it was ok to speak. "Go ahead Mr. Hughes I'm not stopping you."

"Okay" as Maes said, Gracia leaned the phone to his ear.

"Hi old buddy!"

"_Maes is that really you? I swear to god that you're talking like a playing scratched CD…" _

"Yeah! My jaw area is a bit fractured by the crash."

"_I'm still really sorry about it."_

"It ok. After I'm recovered, I got new pics to show before the beers as a celebration!" and Roy whined a bit about seeing Hughes' pictures later.

"_Ok, I'll do it."_ and Maes grinned _"I called because…did Ed and Al finally come back?" _

"Nope! They haven't."

"_Damn. Then I guess I should stop calling for now." _

"Roy, one question…"

"_Yes, Maes?"_

"Do you miss and like Ed so much?" at this question Roy blushed on the other line and made a fake yawn

"_Oh geez! Will you look at the time! It's so late! I have to go to sleep to face another bash of paperwork that awaits me in the office tomorrow! Night Maes! And say hello to Elycia for me!"_ he said it fast and hanged the phone and The Major had a 'yeah right, I know you're hiding it, Roy' look on his face.

"Gracia! I'm done talking!" he said calling out to his wife.

"Ok! I'll be right there Maes!"

'_I know you like Ed, Roy… you can hide it to the rest of the world the fact that you're turning gay, but not me. I know also that Ed feels something for you too. I can't fully quite put my finger on it yet what really is, but I'm close. When I'm outta this bandages, I'll do a investigation myself if my assumptions are true! This is a job for Hughes. Maes Hughes.' _Maes said mentally smirking for the task he just given himself to do by past tomorrow. Arrrgh! Now I sound like the 'we don't know where we got him' doctor!

**Next day in the afternoon at the headquarters...**

Hawkeye, Havoc, Falman, Breda and Fuery were doing whatever they are doing in boredom till...

"So Havoc how was your hot date last night?" asked Vato to Jean. Havoc looked like the end of the world. suddenly.

"Terrible..."

"Why?"

"As soon as I explained her of why I gotten a little late, she got cold and dumped me."

"Ouch. Sorry to hear that, buddy. Why did she dumped you?"

"I explained that the chief called me--"

"Wait don't tell me. She wanted his home phone number since she is another Mustang fan girl, you didn't know his number to it, she thought you were lying, thought you'll never give it to her and dumped you. The end?"

"Yeah..." admitted Jean groaning and slumped more to his chair.

"How did you know all that, Falman?" asked Heymans.

"Quite simple. This is not the first time Jean Havoc gets dumped over Roy Mustang's phone number." explained Vato as matter-of-factly. The Second Lieutenant groaned more and his head hit the desk.

"I hate my life..." he cried.

Riza, who was sitting next to him, sighed and patted his shoulder in comfort "Don't be like that, Havoc. I'm sure there's still a nice girl who would love to go out with you in this century." everyone stared at her and gasped.

"What?"

"You're comforting me, Riza. Wouldn't that make you OOC (Out of Character) in this fiction?" said Jean in astonishment.

"Uh--"

"Does that means what I think you're thinking and what we're thinking?" asked Havoc getting his hopes up.

"Don't get your hopes up, Smokey. No, I was just being a friend, if is that ok." she explained, killing his hopes like shooting a bird.

Havoc got depressed again; his cigarette lowered and hit his head to the desk again. "Back to square 1..." everyone looked at him, pitying him

Now to get away from Jean's cycle of depression, Sheska came in to the room holding the old-fashioned phone.

"Um does anyone know where Major Hughes is? I have been looking for him everywhere but no sign of him." asked Sheska and everyone looked at her.

"Hughes took the day off. He's at the hospital checking his boo boos and Armstrong replaced him for the time being. Why?" explained Cain.

"Because he has a phone call from Mr. Elric." as soon as Sheska said it, they looked as if a miracle just happened. She spoke on the phone again to explain the caller the situation.

"Uh sorry, Major Hughes isn't here today. Whom shall I pass you to speak with then? Ok!" and Sheska lowered the phone, covering the receiver with her hand "Uh so where's Major Armstrong?"

When they were about to question themselves about it, the Strong Arm Alchemist now Major dropped by in time.

"Sorry I'm late; I needed my daily training and I was chopping fire wood for the cafeteria. You know, always start out your days with Frosted Flakes for breakfast. They're grrrrreat!" exclaimed Alex Louis, doing one of his pose and his usual sparkle brightens. Everyone sweat dropped. We're not touching that with a tenth foot pole...

"Uh here Major Armstrong! Phone call." Sheska changed the subject, handing him the horn--phone and he took the phone.

"Thank you Sheska." he said thanking her and talked in the phone "Hello, Major Alex Louis Armstrong speaking. (blah blah) Oh hello Alphonse! Long time, no see. How is your brother Edward? (blah blah) I see. (blah blah) What? You want me to pick up you two? (blah) When and where? (blah blah) I-I see. I'll be there soon. Bye."

"Well?" asked the subordinates to Armstrong, also known as Mr. Sparky G. Muscles. He was about to reply but got off by...

"Wait, we got to inform Colonel Mustang the news of the Elric boys first." said Hawkeye and they nodded in agreement.

Riza picked up the phone, dialed a number and waited for response. "Hello Colonel Mustang. I just called to inform you that the boys just called. Wh--" and Hawkeye got cut because Roy appeared running in the room, looking happy and desperate-

"Really! They called!"

They nodded and Roy got to his knees, with his hands high in the air and proclaimed:

"Thank the Lord for that! I'm going to church and stop snapping my fingers at Maes as an Equivalent Exchange! Wooo!"

Everyone major sweat dropped at this. I'm not touching this one either…

"The Colonel's cracking is in progress…" muttered Hawkeye.

"Well?" Roy said now but for now normal and stood up

"It was Al who called. He talked to Major Armstrong." explained Falman.

"So what he said, Armstrong?"

"He says that he and Edward just got back from their search of the Philosopher's stone, then from the Rockbell's auto mail shop in Resembool and they are now in the train station here in Central. They want someone to pick them up since they can't take a cab anymore because Edward sent all the cabbies of this city to the hospital beaten up for calling him short and the rest is known." explained Armstrong.

"Typical…" muttered everyone.

"No wonder I see often his '_not wanted in the cab_' picture in the cabs. Well here's my order…" said Mustang with his hands united on the back and walking a few steps forward .

"Sir?" and Mustang turned around again to face them as he spoke.

"Armstrong, you go pick up the Elric brothers from the train station. Havoc, you stay here till I give you further instructions on what to do when Armstrong comes with the boys. And finally, Hawkeye, Falman, Breda and Fuery. You four set up the surprise homecoming party for them, while I in the meantime do other arrangements and look pretty in my office. Now go out there make me proud and make me shed tears of joy like a happy bitch! Now go go, you soldiers!" he raised a fist in the air

"Aye aye, sir!" they saluted and went to do their given tasks, running like farm ants, leaving him, Jean and Sheska alone in the room.

"Um, sir? Is there gonna be a party here, can I help and be there?"

"Yes Sheska. If you wish."

"Yaaaay! Paaah-ty! Whoo-hoo!" she exclaimed, catching up with the Party Group.

**Later at the Central train station…**

"Where are they…? I thought they'll be here…They must be here somewhere…" said Alex to himself as he searched.

"Oh there he is…!" said as he saw Alphonse, who was on his back and they went to him

"Alphonse!"

"Hm? Oh hi Major Armstrong!"

"So where's Edward? I thought he was with you."

"Oh brother? He's…" Al got cut off by...

"AAAAAH!" screamed a flying man, known as one of the train staffs workers. They saw him as he crashed with a mountain of boxes.

"…right over there…" Alphonse said as he saw and pointed at a certain teen ranting….

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING EDWARF, A MIDGET WHO NEEDS TO BUY A KID'S TICKET AND BE SEATED IN A BOOST CHAIR JUST TO RIDE A TRAIN OR A TOY TRAIN?" exploded Edwarf--err Edward as he beat the pulp 6 outta 5 train staffs for the name and send them flying like birds like the last flying train staff we just saw.

"Oh boy…" The Major and Younger Elric sweat dropped at the scene before them "Some people never change or grow."

**Later back at the Central headquarters outside... **

The old-fashioned car pulled over. Let's face it, the phone and the car are old fashioned... what else?

"Code Elric! Everyone to your stations!" yelled a voice from inside the headquarters and everyone did as told.

Then the Second Lieutenant, came running from inside the headquarters opened the door the Elric brothers.

"Aten hut!" he exclaimed as bunch of the state alchemists formed a line to receive the boys. Talk about obsession...

"Huh...?" said Ed and Al looking confused at this.

"Welcome back fellow soldiers!" exclaimed the soldiers, saluting them. Edward and Alphonse felt uncomfortable with the greeting.

"Armstrong, mind telling us what's going on?" whispered Ed to Alex, who just came beside him.

"Colonel Mustang will explain all of this. He's the one who arranged this and he's been expecting you and Alphonse's arrival." explained the Major.

"Where is he?"

"At the office probably." he said walking away. The chibi alchemist and his brother decided to go there until...

"Wait a minute, Elrics!" exclaimed Havoc and came to the boys.

"What's up?"

"Chief's given orders: You must from now you and your bro walk this red carpet."

"What red carpet?" asked the brothers in unison seeing no crimson carpet.

"Now you two just wait." and with that Jean turned to the south direction and whistled "All right guys! Let her rip!" he exclaimed and a red carpet came down rolling till it reached their feet. Ed and Al sweat dropped.

"You must be kidding me!"

"Well Mustang told me this so you can't get stomped or get lost if you know what I mean."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GRAIN OF SAND THAT CAN GET LOST IN THE JUNGLE OF A RED CARPET?" ranted Ed waving his arms wildly and feet in mid air

"Calm down, brother. I'm sure Colonel Mustang has a good reason for all of this welcoming mumbo jumbo."

"Oh he better have one! I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! This is already getting annoying!" he exclaimed making his way to the headquarters, stomping his feet with his fists balled but he forgot one thing.

"Uh Mr. Elric you're forgetting something."

"Yes?" Ed snapped.

"You're not walking in the red carpet..." reminded Havoc. Edward growled, did as so but stomping his feet again and cursed under his breath. Al soon followed him. Then a music played, well more like an orchestra and they sweat dropped again, stopping their tracks.

"Hehehehe..." laughed nervously Al.

"I'm not touching this with one of Lust's extending fingers." Ed muttered shooking his head and they resumed walking away in the never-ending red carpet, followed by the music.

**Now at the office…**

The boys just entered the office; Roy stood up from his chair and went to greet them.

"Alphonse! Welcome back to our humble headquarters!" exclaimed Roy to as he took Al's armored hand to shake it "Where's Full Metal? I can't see him anywhere." this made Ed growl.

"I'm right here!" he snapped and Roy looked where he were.

"Oh I'm sorry. Didn't see you there." said jokingly yet sarcastically Mustang and Edo ranted, waving his arms wildly and feet in mid air again.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT IT ONLY TAKES A SCOOP AT THE TELESCOPE JUST TO SEE ME WHERE I'M STANDING?"

Roy kinda smiled mentally seeing his chibi again while he ranted angrily about his height sensitiveness- wait a minute his chibi? Since when? And he decided to ignore this pop up add before he could freak out more than last night.

"I'm just kidding, Full metal. Welcome back." he said extending his hand to shook Ed's, but the chibi crossed his arms and looked at the opposite direction, pouting. Roy sighed "You haven't changed one bit... is dairy products that really scary for you?" He said walking north giving them his back. Ed tried to get him back for what he just said but he couldn't thanks to Al, who grabbed him and covered his mouth.

Mustang turned around to face them, "Is there a problem?"

"Yes I have one! I got a bone to pick with you!"

"Meaning?"

"Brother means: what's up with all the soldiers welcoming us, the red carpet, the music while we walked the carpet back there?"

"Oh, you two didn't like it? I arranged it especially for you two and it only took Mr. Snappy Fingers and my good looks for convincing. Courtesy from my kindness to you two."

"Is there more...?"

"Now now, this is only the beginning. I don't want to spoil the surprises, find out for yourselves. It'll be a lot of fun."

"Thanks, Colonel, I guess..."

"Yeah thank you" said Al in gratitude.

_'Something is fishy with Mustang...I just can't put a finger on it. This is so weird as the Fuhrer's secretary.' _thought Ed.

"Welcomed. So, I believe Edward got some explaining or reporting to do."

"Uh, well if you excuse and need me, I'll be at the dorm unpacking." said Al excusing himself to leave. When he reached the door…

"Oh and Al?" called out Mustang.

"Yes?" said Al looking back again.

"See Lieutenant Hawkeye later when you're done."

"What for?"

"You'll find out soon enough." Al nodded and leaved the room this time, leaving both alchemist alone in the room.

"So Full Metal, how did your search of the Philosopher's stone go this time?" asked the Colonel outta curiosity to and looking at Ed, who just sated on the couch.

"Since when do you care?" asked Ed with a hint of coldness.

"Since I just asked." Roy said simply "Tell me." he demanded and Full metal sighed.

"It went bad like it isn't used to. Me and Al were close to a clue but..."

"But?"

"But I don't want to talk about it now. I don't feel like it..." He said looking at the floor.

"Understood." he said in understanding, also feeling sorry for him.

Roy sat down beside Ed and laid both hands on his shoulder. Ed looked at him "Hey cheer up. Why don't we go to a lively place full of people right now? Maybe there you and Alphonse can take a load off the last search's past events."

"I guess so but..."

"And I won't take no for an answer. Let's go!" Roy said with a hint of cheerfulness.

"I don't know..." Ed said looking down again.

_'Dammit! I have to make him go there somehow. I can't stand seeing Ed like this...it hurts me to see him like this. THE HELL I JUST THOUGHT? Never mind this Roy for now. You got your key to your promotion right here! I know but (groans) I don't want to do this but so be it.' _as soon as Mustang thought this, he stood up and…

"Come on, Ed! We don't want to be late! People awaits us there! Let's have some fun! Let's shake what our mamas gave us all night! Weeee! Paaaah-ty!" exclaimed Mustang and started dancing like in a party... let's say cracked? Edo sweat dropped at his probably out of characterness. Also Mustang himself sweat dropped for this.  
_  
'And all this time I thought Envy was scary...but Mustang at this rate is beating s\he up to it!' _said mentally Fullmetal as he stared.

"Shall we go now or you need more convincing from yours truly?"

"All right! You win!"

"Why because I really convinced you?"

"No cuz you're really scaring me now..." Edward muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing! So let's go!"

"That's the spirit, Edward! Let's roll like the wheeeeels!" and with that they really leaved to the paaah-ty, going out of the room. Fullmetal had a scared look as Roy kept ranting about it, OOC of course.

**While walking the halls lost for 15 minutes… (Thanks Genkai-chan for the idea!)**

The Colonel had a lost look in his face.

"Don't tell me you don't know where it is the location…?" asked Ed getting impenitent, crossing his arms.

"Yes I know where it is. It's…" he trailed off till he saw a door "Right there!" said The Flame Alchemist as he led the Full Metal Alchemist to that door. He opened it and closed it.

Now Elric and Mustang feeling uncomfortable in the room, which it was also dark and we can't see a dammed thing. One of them came to a realization.

"Strange…it's stuffy and dark here. Are you sure this is the lively place full of people, Mustang?"

'_Great…I forgot to ask or tell Lieutenant Hawkeye in what room where they're holding the party. Way to go me..._' thought Roy and while that…

"…HEY THAT'S MY ASS!"

"Woops! I thought you were a small stuff in here that I didn't feel you."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SMALL STUFF THAT CAN'T BE SEEMED OR FEELED IN THE DARK CUZ IS SMALL?"

Roy sighed "Let me turn on the lights if there's here one, before you dramatize more about your height, Ed …"

"Shut up!"

"Aha! Found it!" he flickered on the lights. They find themselves in an extremely stuffy room because there were cabinets containing cleaning chemicals, toilet papers, mops and brooms. In addition, that is not all, all due to the stuffy room, they're bodies were pressed against each other and I mean very!

"Give me space here to breath, will ya?" said a slightly blushing Ed to an also blushing Roy. But they didn't notice the blush cuz of their 'heightness'.

"I wish I can take that request, kid, but since we're in the stuffiest room on earth aka the janitor and cleaning stuff's room…there's no way we can even move a finger."

"Then I'll try to open the door since it's behind me…" Ed turned around uncomforted till he faced the door, which it made him hit in the face slightly.

"Ouch…" and he turned the door knob to open but…it did not open.

"What the--" Ed tried again faster and only he achieve to break the door knob "Dammit!"

"Great! Thanks to you Ed, we're stuck in the stuffiest place on earth!" complained Roy.

"Oh thanks for pointing that out!" Ed exclaimed sarcastically "I was just about to do that!"

"Well glad I did it before you missed, duh! And you know in what term I mean!"

"Why you!" exclaimed Ed growling as he tried to get Roy for that. Mustang avoided him by moving but he hit his head with the roof.

"Ouch! Dammit that hurts!" The Colonel exclaimed in pain while rubbing his injury.

"Glad that happened, you fart brained Colonel!" Ed mocked yet exclaimed and laughed. It was now Roy's turn to get angry.

"That's it! I had it with you, shorty!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHO--?" Ed ranted was cut off as he heard Roy snapping his fingers. Then they came to a realization that the room has chemicals explosives, that their faces looked like they're gonna see the Seventh Ring of Hell.

"OH SHIT!" they cried both in unison as an explosion occurred.


	4. The Party and Mummy Issues

Happy belated holidays, Christmas and New Year's to all! This is the first chapter of my fics that I post in the 2006!

**Reviewers spot-**

**Shingo-sama-**_ Well...they didn't quite go boom boom as you expected. Thank you and here's the update!_

**Handmaiden of Foamy- **_Oooook...at least you're laughing..._

**Cassiel Darkmoon- **_(grins) Thanks! Yes, they have to paaah-ty! Read and find out. Oh and there's gonna be another party later. I think it's gonna be Ed's sweet sixteen. Do you think it's a good idea? I hope this chapter doesn't suck either._

**Moon Alchemist- **_Roy was a bit out of character? I should've known. I really need to be more careful there since I don't have a beta-reader. Glad you luved it!_

**captiangiggle- **_No really. You got me there. I can't really imagine it. Please do tell!_

**Jasmemini- **_Whoa! Someone's hyper today. Here's the update. Thanks for the strawberry pocky! _

**Kurama Fatal Grace- **_No problem. And oops I updated again! _

**Kumiko-chan- **_Ah thank thee! To be honest, I don't know what was Mustang thinking either about blowing them to smitherings. Oh wait, I'm supposed to know. lol. About Maes giving picture, I'll leave that in the X-files. You got a point there. lol_

I hope this chapter is at least good or more than good for all. If I do, don't hold back telling me and fix them as soon as possible. Ok, onward!

Disclaimer- I only got 10 seconds to say it before my lawyer hears it. I own Full metal Alchemist! That's right!

Lawyer: I heard that!

¬¬ Ok, I really do not and never willown Full metal Alchemist...

Lawyer: Much better!

Chapter 4- The Party and Mummy Blues (revised)

**Meanwhile wherever the paah-ty is...  
**

The party was held in no other place else than the meeting room. The Colonel's subordinates did a great job with the decorating, food and any other things I forgot to mention. Other lower ranks soldiers and state alchemists arrived through the main doors of the room. Now we turn to Riza, who was in a wondering pose.**  
**

"Hey Miss Hawkeye! All of us did a great job on the party or what!" exclaimed Sheska, who just arrived next to the thinking Lieutenant "I mean this place is getting packed! Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, everyone's arriving except Colonel Mustang and Edward."

"Now that you mentioned it...yeah. Why don't you ask Edward's brother? He might know something."

"Where is he?"

"He just entered through the door along with Major Armstrong."

"Hey Alphonse!" exclaimed Riza as she saw Al.

"Yeah?" he said as she walked up to him.

"Do you know where your brother and the Colonel is? They are supposed to be here by almost half an hour ago, but they haven't showed up yet."

"Last time I was with them, they were at his office before I went off to unpack." explained Alphonse matter-o-factly.

"How did you know that everyone's here?"

"Since I saw Havoc walking in the halls, I asked him myself since Mustang didn't told me where to find you and that's how I'm here," explained Elric, which made Hawkeye gasp and slap her forehead in realization.

She now turned to the Major, "Major Armstrong, you were told by Havoc were this was held, right?"

"Absolutely. By the way, great job with everything, Lieutenant Hawkeye!" he complimented with his sparkles.

"Thanks Alphonse! Thanks Major!" she exclaimed running to another direction covered in smoke like the Road Runner.

Alphonse and Armstrong sweat dropped, "You're welcomed?"

Hawkeye ran until she got to the D.J., who was the Master Sergeant obviously.

"Fuery! You did tell the Colonel where the party is right?"

"No, I was busy handling the music equipment." explained Fuery. "Sorry, Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"What about Breda?"

"I don't think he did."

"I'm going to ask him."

"Good luck finding the Colonel!"

She now went to Heymans, who was talking with a group of soldiers about something.

"Breda!"

"Yeah, Lit. Hawkeye?"

"Did you--"

"Nope."

"Ah not again!" She cried, running to her next to last hope: the Crazy-glued eye man.

"Falman! Please tell me you told the Colonel where the party is held!" Riza asked to the Warrant Officer, who was holding a tray full of snacks and then placed it on the table.

"No I didn't, Hawkeye. I was busy making snacks. Why?"

"Because one of us didn't told him where this was held..."

"What!" screamed Falman in atoshniment.

"Exactly!"

"Hey what's going on guys?" asked an approaching familiar male voice to them "Great party by the way!" he complimented as he took as snack from the tray.

"Havoc, how did you know where this was held?"

"I asked Sheska before the kid Elric and Major Armstrong asked me. Go figure! Is there a problem?"

"Let's see. Me and Sheska took care of the decorating, Falman with the food, Fuery with the music and Breda helped around with something in need. And what were you doing mister?" she snapped growling, grabbing Havoc by the collar like she's really strangling him.

"Calm down, Riza!"

"Calm down, babe! Geez, at least let me explain and breathe here!" and she let him go.

Jean took air as he could while rubbing his neck "Gosh, with your strength, I might go sterile!" the First Lieutenant and the Warrant Officer, which it couldn't be noticed, rolled their eyes "After I did what chief told me to do, I had no clue where this was. I saw Sheska carrying decorating things earlier and that's my two cents."

"Oh great!" Hawkeye threw her hands up in the air "Nobody told him! I better go to his office if we aren't too late!" she now sprinted out of the room.

Havoc followed suit "I'll go with ya!"

"So do I!"

**Back to the explosion site...**

We find now two unconscious lying bodies in the halls, near the explosion site; one tall body on top of a small one. As we take a closer look and acknowledge; it seems that the tall body is Roy Mustang and the small one is Edward Elric...But what happened while in the explosion to both alchemists to be like this and not end up in the explosion?

**Back to our rescue team...**

Riza finally arrived at the door leading inside the office. She knocked the door, still hoping that the both of the alchemist are still inside.

"Colonel Mustang? Edward?" and she got no response since nobody is inside "No response...I have no other choice" and she turned the doorknob, opening the door. She raided the room and found no one.

_'Dammit! They're not here...'_

"Riza!" called out Jean, who just entered the room panting "Are they here?"

"Negative. We are too late" she said narrowly.

Now Vato entered the room. Riza and Jean looked at him, who was now panting for for air.

"Hey what took you, Falman?" said Jean.

"Sorry. After I ran following you guys..."

_Flashback..._

_"Oh great!" Hawkeye threw her hands up in the air "Nobody told him! I better go to his office if we aren't too late!" she now sprinted out of the room.  
_

_Havoc followed suit "I'll go with ya!"_

"So do I!" 

_After Vato ran after them, he didn't look that he was going straight to the wall beside the main door. Sadly, he and the wall met. In other words, he crashed with the wall. Blammo!_

_End of Flashback..._

"Damn. You're gonna feel that in the morning...next time, open your eyes, Falman."

"Oh thanks a lot, Havoc!"

"We don't have time for this!" roared Riza.

"What are we going to do now?"

"Let's keep looking for them."

"Right. But where are we going to start looking?"

"Ah!" Jean snapped his fingers since an idea struck him. And again fire didn't come out from his fingers "I got an idea!"

"_You_ have an idea?" Riza and Vato asked dumbfounded in unison.

"I'm serious, guys! Let's consult the psychic!" he exclaimed suggesting the idea that struck him.

"Not a bad idea!" exclaimed the Warrant Officer in agreement.

Riza raised an eyebrow with a confused expression on her face "Psychic?"

**Famous last word said...**

Now back at the party, in a corner near where D.J. Fuery is; we find a line of soldiers, waiting to be attended by the 'psychic'.

"Mr. Psychic! What I'm gonna do in this party?" said a lower rank soldier to the psychic.

"Hmmm..." the psychic was none other than Heymans Breda, who was in a thinking trance and he now broke the trance to answer the soldier "I'll say that you'll end up breaking a round piñata made of glass for the first time ever in your life."

"Really! I'll break the piñata this time?"

"Yep. Make sure you've brought the stick."

"Oh thank you, Mr. Psychic. Here's $50 bucks!" he said handing Breda the cash, moola, yen, dinero or money.

Heymans took the cash "Anytime, Pancho!" he putted it away in his pocket "Next in line!"

The ones next in the line were the First Lieutenant, the Second Lieutenant and the Warrant Officer.

"Hey Breda!" greeted Jean and Vato.

"Havoc, Falman... and Liutenant Hawkeye...I'm busted." he said it somewhat of 'oh crap' look and tone.

"We'll talk about this black market later. Breda, are you good at this prediction mumbo jumbo?"

"He's really good! Trust him!" said Falman.

"He even predicted that I was going on a date with the girl who dumped me over the chief's number!" added Havoc.

Riza sighed, rubbing her temples "I don't believe in this crap, but..." she stopped rubbing her temples, "Breda, I need you to tell us where are Colonel Mustang and Edward."

"Wait don't tell me! They're nowhere to be found right?" the three nodded "Ok then, let's see what I can do." he thought again like earlier and replied "They're around in the halls. That's all I can say."

"All right you heard him! Let's go!" and again, the trio sprinted.

Now they reached the halls, as said by Heymans, where it has three different directions: North, where they were located, south, east and west.

"Which way do we go?" said Havoc in confusion while they looked at the three directions carefully.

"Let's split up." suggested Hawkeye and the men nodded. She took the right direction, Havoc the left one and Falman the south one where it leads to Mexico. Ahem, sorry. I cracked myself up there.

(I apologize. No idea to write about what happens next. I'll put it eventually)

**Twenty minutes later back at the party...**

Everyone at the party was enjoying everything. Except one person of course: Alphonse.

"Strange...where's brother and Mustang?" he was getting more than a little preocupied about his older brother and the Colonel of not showing around yet "I'm gonna go look for them." and with that decision, he walked to the main door.

He stopped his tracks as he saw the search team (Riza, Jean and Vato) entering the room. He was about to asked them about the alchemist till...

"Looking for your brother, Alphonse?" Riza said and he nodded.

"Oh you don't need to worry no longer, kid" now said Jean.

"What did you mean? Where are they?"

"I'm right here, Al." said a voice behind them and they turned around finding Ed and Roy. Now everyone in the room turned to look at them and the music stopped.

"Brother, there you are! I was worried sick. What happened to you and Mustang?" he asked cuz of the bandages wrapped in their heads.

"Nothing casual. We just got kinda stuck in the janitor's room." he explained.

"Don't forget we almost got caught in the explosion, Ed." reminded Mustang and everyone gasped.

"Explosion? How?"

"It's all in the past now. The important thing is that I'm here in one piece."

"Your brother's right, Alphonse."

"O-ok."

"Uh, chief. About that disturbing view thing that I saw back there of you two..." By mentioning that issue, Roy and Ed blushed in unison.

"TELL ANYONE AND YOU DIE!" they screamed in unison with angry monsters looks to Jean. He was terrafied.

"Whoa Ed! Are you blushing?" said Al.

"And you too, sir!" said Vato.

Everyone in the room now started to talk about that disturbing thing like if it was a rumor.

"Enough about us. Let's dance!" commanded the Colonel, changing the subject quickly.

"Yeah!" and the music boomed again by D.J. Fuery.

"Whew! You saved our asses there" Ed whispered to Roy in relief.

"Don't mention it." he now changed the subject "Where's Major Armstrong?" he wondered since the Major was nowhere to be seem.

"There!" pointed out Alphonse to the now disco ball replacement.

"Armstrong's the disco ball...?" Roy, Ed, Al, Riza, Jean and Vato sweat dropped as they saw the Major like he was a disco ball. Since he and a disco ball has sparkles, I think you get the point.

"Some idiot thought the disco ball was a piñata, he broke it and ate the broken glass as if was candy." explained Alphonse.

"Pancho." said Ed.

"Enough said." now the rest.

**After some paah-ty later around 11:30pm at Ed's dorm...**

The Elric brothers were now in the dorm they rest. Ed was in the top bed, while Al in the bottom one.**  
**  
"Whew. I'm pooped..." said Ed yawning.

"Yeah... Brother, do you think it was nice of Mustang and the others to throw us a homecoming party?" asked the younger Elric

"I dunno...I don't want to talk about it."

"What were you doing while trying to get out from the room with Mustang?" as Al said this, Ed blushed at the memory (See chapter 3 if you don't remember) and also for the disturbing view, how Havoc calls it, between the both of them (which I'll put eventually).

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" snapped Edward "Good night Al." and lay to sleep.

"Night, brother." Alphonse now turned to sleep.

After a half an hour of sleeping, a weird raspberry snoring can be heard. This jolted Alphonse to wake up, looking startled and with wide eyes, hugging the pillow as comfort.

"Brother...?" he whispered in fear to the top bed and got no response.

"Ed?" he sighed because his brother didn't gave a sign of responding. To wake him up, Al hit with his armor fist the top bed, which made him jump and hit the roof.

"What did you do that for Al?" asked Edo now awake unhappy, out of the top bed, while rubbing his injury.

"Sssh! Do your hear that?" Al whispered.

"Hear wha-?" Ed heard what his younger brother meant "Yeah I'm hearing it now...Al what did I said about animals inside the armor?" he said now lecturing.

"No! I don't have an animal inside, I swear!"

"I hope so because last time you putted a monkey, it went to everyone's dorm and kissed Mustang in his sleep, who bitched me for hours in the morning and then went to therapy." 

"Woops."

"Something is in here and I don't like it one bit."

"I'm gonna turn on the lights." and Al flickered on the lights.

"Now let's search for the sound."

"Got it." They searched and raided the whole room for a good twenty minutes. Then Ed got to a conclusion.

"Nothing..."

"Hey Ed, your red coat wasn't like that before we slept." said Al pointing to the red fabric hanging by the door. It looked like it's covering something or someone "Maybe under there is the problem?"

"You're right, Al. The problem might be there. On the count of three, we'll remove my coat." commanded Edward and Al nodded. They grabbed the fabric by the bottom end "...1,2,3!" They exclaimed in unison.

Suddenly it revealed a familiar mummy. Their eyes widen slowly until it reached the size of saucers.

"AAAAAAAH! THE MUMMY FROM THE MOVIE THE MUMMY IS HERE! AAAAAHH!" both boys screamed. No not that familiar mummy! No biscuits!

With this, Kodak Freak shook awake. He heard for a second at what the ruckus is about and tried to explain to them that they are totally mistaken, but since he still has his mouth wrapped...

"AAAAAAH! IHMOTEP GONNA SPIT OUT THE BEETLES!" cried Ed while Al was calmed for a second, remembering a fact.

"Wait a minute, brother. The last thing I remember is that those beetles crawls inside a human body and eats it's flesh slowly."

"Your point?"

"My point is that I'm 100 percent armor and you're 25 percent armor! You still have human flesh!" cried explaining Al. They resumed screaming in terror and hugging for their dear life.

"NOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG, TALL AND SEXY TO BE EATEN SLOWLY ALIVE! I PREFFER TO DIE BY GETTING A HIT FROM WINRY'S WRENCH OF DOOM OR DROWN UNDER MUSTANG'S PAPERWORK OR BE EATEN BY GLUTTONY OR EVEN WORSE MAES SHOWING ME HIS PICS!" cried Ed with tears flowing.

"I'M GONNA MISS YOU, BROTHER! SAY HELLO TO MOM FOR ME IN HEAVEN!" cried Al also with tears flowing and suddenly they heard the door banging not so happily.

"AAAAAAH! IT CALLED FOR THE DEAD REINFORCEMENTS!" they cried exclaiming once again, clinging more.

"EDWARD AND ALPHONSE ELRIC! OPEN UP THIS GODAMMED DOOR!" exclaimed a not happy male voice.

"GO AWAY YOU DEAD PEOPLE! GO BACK TO THE WALLS YA CAME FROM!" exclaimed Ed back and they heard a female voice growling (Hey since they're so into The Mummy issue).

"STAND BACK SIR! I'LL BLOW THIS DOOR AWAY!" yelled an also not happy female voice.

"HA! I LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!" yelled back Ed again and the female voice growled.

"THAT'S IT!" she yelled in rage, snapping like a twig.

"AAAAH! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!" exclaimed three different male voices in fear.

Then some wild shooting happened at the doorknob.

"AAH! TAKE COVER AL!" exclaimed Edo throwing himself down the floor and so did Al., ducking the bullets.

Poor Maes was trying to get away from the door but he couldn't since he's our mummy hanging in the door; so instead he screamed in fear and moved uncontrollably, so the bullets wouldn't hit him. He looked like he was a volunteering to stay still while someone threw him daggers. Then the shooting ceased.

"Are they done, brother? I'm scared..."

"I dunno. Look Al, I got a plan to get rid of these dead jokers..."

"What is it?"

"When they open the door, we'll attack them on pre-emptive. Got it?"

"Gotcha." Al said as they posed a fighting stance.

Ed and Al gulped; shaking like the saltshaker as the door suddenly went completely open. Maes screamed of pain for the door slam because he hit the wall of course. Still in this situation, Ed and Al were brave…or aren't they?

**  
**


	5. The Brief Calm or Losing Sanity?

Holla! I am back with a vengeance. Thank you people again for your wonderful reviews! I'm glad somebody is enjoying this. (()) The reason I haven't updated (or my other fics) is because my grades were low, and thankfully, I lifted them to A's and B's. Then again, last month I was taking summer classes... But now I'm sort of free!

To answer your question **firemaiden01**: I have no ideas yet for to write the disturbing view, but I guess it will be on Chapter 7 till then. Gomen!

As always, you guys are the judges. Ok, so let's roll!

Disclaimer- I don't own Full metal Alchemist, The Mummy (again), Slim Fast, Frosted Flakes (once again), Bowflex, Jello, Speedo or Matrix.

To recap; (before I left the last chapter in a cliffhanger) Ed and Al were gonna kick the dead asses out of the "dead people" and then the living one from our poor Maes! Are they brave enough to face 'em…or are they not?

Chapter 5- The Brief Calm Before the Action

In an instant, the power goes out in the dorm, causing the room all-dark in the process, not only in here but also in the entire headquarters.

"What happened?" Alphonse asked all surprised.

"The power went off…" Edward said, ripping off some of the explaining I said. "Stick close to me, Al. Something tells me that the dead people are gonna use this opportunity to attack."

"Right." Al now changed the subject, "Hey, what happened to Mr. Mummy from the movie The Mummy, Brother? Last time he screamed in pain after the dead people opened the door."

"Maybe he's still around crying cuz he can't talk right with his tongue cut off, he's wearing glasses since he has no eyes, which it looks like the same glasses Hughes wears, and his beetles are still eating him after 3,000 years…?" he wondered, scaring his younger brother more and more than he was.

"Now I'm more scared than before we left on cliffhanger in the last chapter!" he cried.

"Shh! Let's keep it down. Let's just wait for them to strike and we'll do as I said to get this over with, ok?"

"Ok." Al said in agreement once more as he collected himself.

Meanwhile, outside the room i.e. the hall, where our "dead people" actually are--I think this is the right opportunity to meet them even if we can't see them because is so freaking dark.

"Goodness…Is so dark here like when I go to my room and turn off the light right before I go to sleep!" Havoc said kind of complaining about it.

Riza rolled her eyes, even if it is not seem though. "No kidding."

"Havoc, do you happen to have lighter or matches? I would have used my fingers but my hands are naked without the gloves."

"Nope, sorry chief; I left all my matches in my dorm."

"Hey what the Elrics are doing? They've been silent after the power went out," Breda wondered…

"Hey!" said a different voice from the others and from a not-too-far distance, catching their attention. "Who turned off the lights?"

"I think I know that voice--"Roy said thoughtfully right before a crash sound was heard.

"…and apparently, he just crashed the wall…" Hawkeye added.

"Falman, the power went out. Are you awake with your eyes closed?" Havoc asked at him.

"…"

"Thought so."

"Uh Havoc, he's unconscious." Breda said, also saying the reason for why I have actually putted a suspension point on Falman's line.

"I pity his soul. May he rest in peace," he pitied the crashed and unconscious Crazy Glued-eye man. This reminds me, I knew a new nickname for him…Ooo, I know! Mr. Eyes Glued Shut.

"He's not dead yet."

"Hallelujah!" Havoc now proclaimed, "There is a God!"

…everybody else decided to ignore him on this one.

"Sir, what do we do?" Hawkeye asked to the Flame Alchemist. "Lieutenant Breda's right about Edward and Alphonse."

"Hm, let's go in there. I wanna find out why the hell they were screaming that there's a mummy in there and also that we are this "dead people"."

"I wonder myself that too…" now said a new, a very different yet familiar voice than the 'crashed for the second time in this day' Warrant Officer.

"Hey who said that?"

"It wasn't me." Riza said.

"Same here," Breda said.

"Neither does meh," and now Havoc said.

"Then if it wasn't any of you, and Falman's too busy being unconscious…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" they screamed together, terrified in unison, "THEN WE REALLY HAVE THE MUMMY FROM THE MOVIE THE MUMMY HERE BUT TALKING TO US PERFECTLY IN ENGLISH!"

"No, you're all seriously mistaken!"

"AAAAAAH! WE DON'T KNOW AT WHOM WE JUST SCREAMED IN TERROR!"

"It's me, Armstrong!" Armstrong finally identified himself towards his wrongfully scared superior and fellow subordinates.

"…"

"…"

"AAAAAAHH! WE WERE SCREAMING FOR NOTHING THEN!"

"Major Armstrong…" Roy began talking in his superiority voice, "You had scared the fluffy bunny slippers out of my feet. For your punishment, you're banned from drinking Slim Fast or eating Frosted Flakes for a month!"

"Anything but that!" Armstrong cried.

"And I'm grounding your Bowflex machine too." he added the said exercise machine to the list of the punishment.

"That hurts!" the Major's voice broke, almost in the verge of tears and sniffles; life for him has no meaning anymore… first his fave cereal, then his nutritional drink and now his exercise machine that helps him to keep maintaining his muscled body.

Now what else Roy would take away from him…?

"And you're forgetting his steroids pills, chief." the Second Lieutenant added randomly and everyone else gasped.

"Steroids pills…?" this has seemed to make Armstrong to twitch one of his eyes, "Gasp! I do not take any steroids pills! I'm going to show all of you right now my muscles are all a hundred percent natural; passed down from the Armstrong family for many generations!"

"Oh great." the Colonel sighed, sounding not amused: "Now he's going to take his shirt off."

"Way to go, Havoc!" said the First Lieutenant.

"I'm sorry?" he stammered.

"Too late to apologize!" Breda cried as Armstrong finally ripped his pajama's shirt, posing his muscles many times in different ways, grunting, till he stayed still as a statue and the sparkles illuminated as ever. "EAT YOUR HEART OUT!" he exclaimed proudly with all his might and with glory. I swear for a moment that his sparkles illuminated the entire headquarters…

"Now watch what these babies can do!" Armstrong started to move his chest like Jello!

"It burns!" everyone's eyes burned at the sight.

"Sorry…" he apologized and the whole room went back to dark.

"Hey Armstrong, can you use your own sparkles again to illuminate around here?"

"I don't think it is the best idea at all, Colonel Mustang."

"Why not?"

"Because I think I just ripped my new blue Speedo--"

"Too much information!" Roy, along with Riza, Havoc and Breda cried simultaneously.

"I didn't even wanted to know that…then let's just go to Full metal's dorm already even if it is dark; we're losing what's left of our sanity and I think I'm going OOC."

"Obviously." "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "Right."

"Did any of you say something!"

"I mean sir!"

Meanwhile back at Full metal's dark dorm, the boys waited patiently for the "undead enemies" to approach. Actually, make that one; the other half is getting impatient. Sounds of footsteps were heard coming in to the room, making the boys to be alerted.

"Now's the chance!" Ed launched forward to head butt whichever dead people got in his way and I may add, the one that he's designated to kick his or her ass. I mean he is like the Matrix!

Sorry for the short chapter, that's all I can think of now; probably on this very same month I'll update the other part and it'll be a bit longer than this chapter.

Ja ne!


	6. The Revelations of a Few Things

Hey, yo! How ya'll doin!? Here's the final installment of the mummy Maes (or Mughes) saga! This is the largest chapter yet in the history of this ficracktion! Muahahahaha! Thanks for reading and for the reviews once again!

**Reviewers spot**- I sort of missed doing this…

**ash892- **_Here's the chapter! I liked that movie also…The sequel of it is so-so, or is just me…._

**SoundofLight- **_Wow. …Thank you for your encouraging paragraph of words! I feel so…cries and blows nose with a Kleenex tissue lol Really, thank you. Now that kind of review really inspires me to continue writing. Not too mention, improve it. Here's the long update!_

**z- **_Thanks! _

**ZeNpHyR-KoShi- **_Welcome to the humble FF. Net! Sorry for saying that after a long while…Really? Thanks for shouting it! Here's probably more non-sense of them! lol _

**anon.- **_Ah, is that so? Thank you for clearing that up to me. Thanks!_

Well, I made this chapter long because 1) for a long time of no updating and 2) I wanted to finish the first season of the fiction as soon as possible. By the next chapter a new season will start with more characters, more insanity, the Royed-ness will start to develop, and another coupling will be born!

Oh and, if there are errors, I might fix later; I'm tired right now (yawns as a proof)…

Here we go!

Disclaimer- I don't own Full metal Alchemist, The Mummy (one last time), Matrix, Home Depot, The Ring, Crayola markers, Tomb Raider, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, the game Diablo, Aquafina, Animal Planet, Snickers and X-Men.

"Now's the chance!" Ed launched forward to head butt whichever dead people got in his way and I may add, the one that he's designated to kick his or her ass. I mean he is like the Matrix!

And after two installments of annoying cliffhangers, here's where it really begins the possible crack battle mayhem of epic proportions!

Chapter 6- The Revelations of a Few Things, Evil Plot Included…

When Edo got three feet close to the dead peep, the image turns in slow motion and pauses. Then it rotates in three hundred and sixty degrees, as he got closer and closer to him\her. When the image got back at default, the Matrix style-slow motion thingy wore off.

"Take this you evil dead peep!" Ed roared.

"What the--Ooff!"

With that "ooff!", Edward surely got him--due to the voice; surely enough was a male--with a painful head butt. Score baby!

"Score! I got one!" Ed cheered as if he scored a goal on a soccer game, literally.

"We're not done yet with the dead peeps." Al reminded, unfortunately.

Ed slightly nodded, regaining his composure. "Right, they might be more of them out there…Oh and remind to go to Home Depot later, Al."

"You're gonna buy cement to put them back again on the walls and buy a big box for the mummy?"

"Ye-ah."

"But why go there when you can do wonders with your alchemy? We're not getting any penny from Mr. Piggy Bank since a long time ago, Ed." Alphonse reminded his aniki about his unique alchemy, causing him to sweat drop slightly.

"Oh yeah…I forgot about it since I haven't use 'em after we showed up in this fic." Ed made a silly face that he stuck his tongue out and had one of his hands behind his head. "Speaking of which," he paused for a moment to clap his hands together, then putting them on the floor, transmuting an object.

"What are you transmitting--" Al sweat dropped when he got the chance to see the transmuted object or more likely…food. "Oookay…?"

"Not sure, but I have a feeling that I'll need this." Ed looked at the "food" intently in his hands as if his life depended on it.

**Back to our "dead people": '2' down and '4' to go…**

"I have a feeling that something happened to Havoc, sir…" Riza whispered, hiding her worries from the men. She's got to be strong as steel, as everyone thinks in the military, she's one of the few people that still got sanity running.

Furthermore, she has to keep her personal life aside from her work before I get DISCIPLINED (or DISCIPWNED) with guns if I don't keep my mouth shut for spilling too much beans with the juicy flavor of details.

"Yeah, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Roy whispered back in agreement. "The boys are starting to cross the lin—"he heard her growl, a _little_. Right…"Are you okay?" He putted his hand in her shoulder; she was close to him.

"Yeah..."

"Stay cool." And Riza gave him a nod. "All right, who's going in there next?" Roy looked at Armstrong, Breda…and unconscious Falman.

Uh, at whom he was kidding? The man's out cold. So he can't cooperate, especially in dark areas or even wearing dark glasses on. Yet he's useful at breaking a piñata without wearing a bandana over his eyes. Cool.

"I will, sir!" Armstrong raised his hand, Sparks™ brightening the hall again. "I can't let anything happen to my superior and my comrades. That's one of the ways of the Armstrong family; passed down for many generations!"

…He had _been_ watching too much Naruto lately.

With not so many options to think of, Roy gave him permission. "Be careful; we're dealing with a kind tin can, whom was engulfed in this insanity thanks to a certain angry Chihuahua."

"Good luck, Major!" Breda wished the good luck, shaking his butt off in fear.

"We're right here if anything happens. And don't forget to get Havoc." Hawkeye supported and reminded him.

"Sir, ma'am and comrade!" The Major saluted before he actually went in…

Heh. Another victim.

Roy, Riza and Breda took their position, in case the shiny Major needed back up.

Then the First Lieutenant felt two pair of eyes on her, "What?"

"It's not my business but, are you _that_ worried about Havoc?" Roy asked. Good question…

Riza furrowed her eyebrows. "Sir, please. Let's concentrate on this nut-case situation." She putted all her concentration as she stated.

"De-Nile isn't the only name for the river of Egypt, sir." Breda whispered to Roy after a brief moment, who nodded strongly in agreement with him, which I also nodded in agreement with him and the readers who also agrees... right, anyone?

Riza decides to ignore the orange-haired Lieutenant's comment: she rolled her eyes.

**Back to Ed's dorm of sadly inserted insanity…**

Insert mystery-long-ass-you-wish-you-can-go-to-the-bathroom-already music!

Armstrong was already in trying to find the boys and the blond Second Lieutenant.

"Freeze, dead peep!" The music cuts: so much for looking for them…

Armstrong didn't comply but he did stopped his steps, being completely confused.

"Surrender yourself or you'll see a sight that you wish you were anorexic!" A different voice from the first one threatened.

Alex Louis blinked his eyes. "…What is all this nonsense about, boys?" It took him no longer than thirty seconds to recognize the first and second voice; the first was Alphonse and the second was Edward. Actually, it took him exactly fifteen seconds to acknowledge, the other fifteen he used it to trying to figure out the insanity's core. Soooo he just had to ask…

After this following question: "And what happened to H--?"

"You are asking too many damn questions! We were supposed to ask the question here!" Ed snapped, cutting the Major off.

"Actually, I—"

"Shaddup! Why are you here dead people and your leader the mummy from the movie the Mummy? What's your business with me and my brother? And will I ever see myself in the sequel movie, Me: The So Not Conqueror of Sham-whatchamacallit!?"

What the--? Al and Armstrong sweat dropped heavily in unison at Ed's last question.

"Uh Ed, what's the movie sequel has to do with this?" Alphonse asked at him.

"Oh nothing; just out of curiosity…" Ed then turned back to the Strong Arm Alchemist,"Anyways dead peep, I ask you one last time to surrender yourself." He said seriously.

"Oh come on now, boys—"Armstrong tried to approach to them in a peaceful manner, but sadly, the Elrics took it the wrong way.

"Oh, you are crossing the line!" Alphonse said in an angry voice. "Do it now, brother!"

"Take this!"

…

"Uh…" Armstrong was speechless and he sweat dropped at what he saw at the wall before him…just the circular reflection of a flashlight. He opened his mouth to say something—scratch that. He saw afterward one of Ed's hands rising up to the light…and it had something. (It's the transmuted "food" of earlier).

It is not just a SOMETHING that made the Major to widen his eyes in horror. Sweat started to run massively down his face, which it went to different shade of all existent colors until it had reached pale.

Armstrong breath went rigid: he could not take it anymore! The site was just…just…freakishly hideous! And pink! Oh the terror!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!"

Outside, Roy, Riza and Breda winced at the screaming that Armstrong had emitted with his invisible vocal facilities. "That's sounds like—"

With no further ado, he ran out of the room still screaming his ass off with tears flowing. Then he clanged on to the first person he had reached with his arms: Roy Mustang.

"What!? What's wrong!?" The trio asked simultaneously at the clinging and whining Major.

"It's…It's horrible I tell you! What my eyes had seem!"

"What is it!?" The three insisted.

"A…a…a cheeseburger!" Insert drama cue!

"What the fuck? A cheeseburger!?" They practically cried: they want to slap themselves badly for this.

"Yes! It'll go straight to my glorious hips; passed down from the Armstrong family for many generations! Please, Colonel Mustang. I don't want to go in there again…" The Major trailed off to shed tears.

Roy sighed: Major Armstrong and his vanity... He putted a hand on his face (Roy's own face), trying not to lose his cool. And with the other hand, he used it to pat the sobbing Major's back. "Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda."

The same looked at the Colonel. "Yes sir?"

Roy narrowed his eyes before speaking. "Go in there and try to stop the madness at once."

"What!?" Breda shrieked. "Why don't you send Lieutenant Hawkeye instead of me!? She's a lot braver than I am!"

Hearing this, the First Lieutenant had a vein pooped with her fist clenched and had a look on her face that read—uh, you don't want to know. "Lieutenant Breda, do what the man says." She said in a low, filled with doom voice.

He gulped. "Yes ma'am." In addition, he frolicked to the dark dorm without any hesitation whatsoever.

"You can kindly get off of me now, Major Armstrong." Roy said to Armstrong, whose tears had subdued not too long ago.

"One more minute…" Armstrong mumbled in reply on Roy's shoulder.

Riza had a blank look and Roy--now looking pale head to toe and immobile-- wanted to shoot himself.

With Heymans Breda, he was in the room attempting the task. He stopped his tracks.

"Now Elrics…wherever you guys are, you two must stop this. I mean, is driving some people crazy…literally. I want you to come out with me and talk to head honcho, who's pretty darn mad with you two. I wouldn't get him madder if I were you."

From wherever the Elric brothers are…"What are we gonna do, Ed? Their leader is highly impatient. And they're probably looking for their supreme leader (the "mummy") and their other comrade." Al whispered.

"I got this; let me handle it." Edward turned to talk from his little brother to Breda. "Listen up dead peep; you're trying to pull us a trick. So we'll fight the rest of you and your supreme leader if we have to! And we have one of your comrades held hostage and out cold!"

'_Holy crap! These boys are getting crazier by the minute! ' _Breda deadpanned.

"Well!? Tell what I've said to your leader!" Ed snapped.

Without saying any word, Breda walked out of the room.

Back again outside, Armstrong had finally gotten out of the Flame Alchemist: his trauma was passing little by little. He was on the floor, in fetal position. "I see carbs…"

Roy, meanwhile, he--well, had his eye twitching. Is he really a gay magnet? The twitch developed further…

"Well?" Riza saw the orange-haired Lieutenant from the moment he came out of the dark dorm.

"Oh." Breda slightly laughed nervously. "You guys are not gonna believe this…the Elric boys thinks we are their enemies." He snickered.

Riza raises an eyebrow. "What in the world…?"

Roy now says, being in a normal state. "…Their enemies?"

"Yeah! Me, Major Armstrong, Havoc, Lieutenant Hawkeye, and, even you sir!" Breda surpassed his snicker to laughing.

"You know what this means, Colonel Mustang?"

"Yeah, Lieutenant Hawkeye. The boys probably must have another nightmare after watching certain movies. Remember last time?"

"How can I forget? After they saw The Ring, they'd confused me with a blonde-haired version of Samara while I was washing my hair."

"And they crapped their pants whenever they saw a phone ringing for a whole week…I don't want to imagine if they ever get to see Saw 3 or other horror movies."

Roy and Riza shooked their heads hastily, with their eyes closed in unison.

"I hate to break this, but I think their predicament had gone a little overboard. I mean they have Havoc in there out cold." Breda break in like a News Flash.

"What!?" Riza cried. "Colonel, we must do something quick before this get way out of hand!" She waved her hands.

With this, Roy acted quickly, having a plan already in mind. "Here's what we are gonna do! Lieutenant Hawkeye: you and I are going in there to put an absolute end to this. Breda: try to look for the yellow pages for a night therapist and Armstrong…hang in there."

Roy then looks at Riza. "Let's go." And she nodded.

With that, they enter the dark room together.

**Back in the dark dorm, one last time…**

"God, they are taking too dammed long!" Ed was getting tired of waiting for "them". "Let's attack 'em first to get this over."

"We must remain cool and steady, brother. Desperation leads to nothing." Al said, wisely.

Ed scowled and crossed his arms. "I'll give them one more minute…"

Unexpectedly, sounds of footsteps picked on the Elrics' ears. Then it stops.

'_They're coming…'_ The brothers said in unison.

"This is it, Ed. The pre-battle before the last one."

"Right! Be ready to rumble, Al!"

And the both of them took once more a steady fighting stance, waiting for their enemies' pre-emptive "assault".

Right in front of them, there were two silent dark figures--

"Hyaa!" Ed, forgetting Al's little advice, took the initiative himself by jumping on the tallest figure of the two, which the two of them ended on the floor in the process, thanks to Full metal's weight.

"Take on the other, Al!" Ed then proceeded to punch with his fists from left to right the daylights out of the fallen figure.

"You're going down, dead peep!" Al glared at the second figure.

"Oh I had it with this "dead peep" issues! I'm Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

"Yeah right!"

Famous last word, the lights goes back on in the used-to-be dark room i.e. the power went back in all the headquarters. Alphonse stops himself right there: he was one feet close of attacking Hawkeye. "Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"That's right, boys." Riza looks over Al's shoulder. "Oh my God, Havoc!" She sprung to the blond Second Lieutenant's side, whom was sprawled on the floor, still out cold. "What happened to you!?" She gathers him on her arms and tries to shook him awake. "Wake up!"

"So that was really Havoc, not a dead peep…" Al had a blank look.

"If there are no dead people," Ed said as he was on the floor,"then the one I was punching is…" he looked well. Oh hell…He was on top of Colonel Mustang, who had many punch bruises on his cheeks and had swirly eyes and his mouth hanged opened, moaning.

Edo and Al deadpanned. "Oh we are screwed…"

Fifteen minutes later after recovering from not intended several punches; Roy was back on his feet again: mad as hell. Yes, the Elric brothers are screwed, indeed. But mostly Edo for punching his superior soon to be lover.

Oh and, Havoc was on his feet again, who was beside Riza. Breda and Armstrong were also in the room.

"Edward and Alphonse; can I ask for the love of flaming candles, why were you two screaming at midnight!? And why I was attacked for no reason whatsoever!"

"I can explain everything!" Al now talked fast as a when you push the Forward button in your VCR while the movie is still on play, explaining everything to the Colonel. After all we now the reason already since Chapter 4…He stopped after three minutes.

"I see." Roy crossed his arms. "So you two made the ruckus because a mummy is actually in this room?" He looked skeptical.

"We're not joking! There is really a mummy here!" Ed and Al tried to convince him in unison, once more.

Roy rubs his temples and stops eventually. "Let's get to the bottom of this nonsense…Let's search for this "mummy"."

And with that, everybody in the room cooperated with him to search for the mummy aka Maes.

**Ten minutes later of search…**

"There's nothing here…" Riza got to a conclusion.

"Well, Edward and Alphonse? What do you have to say for yourselves for your actions?" Roy looked at the Elric brothers with a mean, lean and serious expression.

"UWAAAAAAAH! OUR EYEBALLS ARE WITNESSING HIS PRESENCE! " Havoc, Breda and Armstrong screamed as they saw the mummy, who somehow closed the door. With this, Roy, Ed, Al and Riza turned around and got re-scared while witnessing too his presence. He somehow managed to close the door.

"Told ya there was a mummy!" Both Elric boys cried.

"Ah can't anybody attack him or something!?" Roy suggested. "Like I said paragraphs ago, I don't have my gloves, anything that set fire nor Crayola markers to draw a transmutation circle in the back of my hand!"

Taking now action, Hawkeye, also known as Ms. Disciplinary Trigger-Happy or secretly Tomb Raider; took out her guns, aiming directly at the target. Nevertheless, when she pulled the triggers not once, not twice but for ten times; she growled in frustration, "I'm out of ammo!"

On cue, Armstrong stepped in to save everyone, "Don't fear people! I—"he suddenly felt a pain in one of his arms. "I'm suffering from a sudden muscle pain now!"

"I'm too busy pissing my pants of fear!" Breda admitted as he does so.

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Havoc cried as he ate a piece of toast with 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' butter spread on it, advertising in this fic the mentioned butter.

"Any ideas to kill a mummy then?" The Colonel asked.

"Ah! Brother! The book you always keep with you!" Al suggested to his brother.

"Right!" Ed took out from out of nowhere a red book, entitled in black letters:

**The Great but Not Yet Completeeeed Book That Has Ways to Slaughter Any Kind of Evil-Meanies, Or So We Think.**

"Let's see…" Ed searched and flipped the pages of the red book until, "Aha! Chapter 42756876517826: How to Kill a Mummy for Dummies!" he read, "To kill a mummy, you dummy, you must have one of these following items: A) Holy Water, B) Fire or C) Blunt Weapons, if you play the game called Diablo." He looked up at everyone. "Anyone plays Diablo here?"

No one spoke. Obviously, the didn't played the said game.

"Fire?"

Mustang didn't have the gloves, and Havoc didn't had his matches…So no response.

"Then, who has Holy Water?"

"I do! Here you go!" Armstrong tossed at Ed a bottle of water, who successfully grabbed it at ease. Ed opened the water and threw it at the mummy…who had not melted.

"Strange…he's not melting…" Ed looked closely at the bottle and his eyes widen. "This isn't holy water, it's Aquafina!" He cried.

"I say holy water because that water tastes so good!" Armstrong implied.

Ed growled at the muffle talking-dripping-mummy. "Guess we have no choice but to do some butt-kicking, Al."

"Right!"

Before they did any kind of action, the door went completely open, making Maes to "withdraw" from everyone's sight. At the door there was someone familiar, that for no reason at all Jean screamed and pointed. "Aaah! The mummy now looks like Fuery!"

Everyone in the room sweat dropped, and Hawkeye proceeded to bitch-slap him. "That _is _Fuery." She corrected.

"Uh guys? What's up with all the screaming?" Finally spoke the Master Sergeant. "I'm trying to watch Animal Planet."

"Whew! Fuery, you saved our butts from getting eaten by bugs!"

Fuery raises an eyebrow, "What are you talking about, Havoc?"

"Can you believe there was a mummy in here and he disappeared thanks to you?" Now said Breda, appearing next to him.

"Uh—"

"You got my respects!" Then it was Armstrong's turn. "You really must join the gym I'm at! The guys and girls there will love to hear about this!"

Fuery tried to talk once more but he couldn't since Roy beat him up to it. "Master Sergeant Cain Fuery…for making the mummy to disappear, I'm throwing you a party with beers and strippers for your heroic actions."

The fellow subordinates applauded and some whooped at him.

"Bu-but I didn't do anything heroic, sir! And I still don't know what you are all talking about!"

While everyone kept congratulating the poor hero confused Cain, Ed and Al were busy sneaking away from the room silently this whole time like worms crawling.

"Not so fast boys!" Riza noticed them and they paralyzed themselves, "You two are still getting punished with capital P."

Ed now tries to make up an excuse for him and his little otouto to AWOL, "Al and I are going to—to—" "The bathroom!" Al finished the sentence for him.

"Hey!" Riza realizes that the two tried to run—which it was unsuccessful: they were caught red-handed and yeah caught by their shirt necks.

Somehow, the mummy managed to appear before everyone's eyes: he had closed the door all by himself.

"AAH, DAMN! HE'S BACK AGAIN!" Screamed everybody with their as saucers, except Fuery, who didn't looked afraid, not one bit. "Haven't I seem this mummy somewhere before?" He asked curiously.

"You're looking at one right now!"

"No—wait! He's trying to say something!" And Fuery rushes to Maes' side. "This mummy…is Major Hughes! Major speak to me!"

**Five minutes later of talking the turkey stuffed language…**

"What the hell did Maes said!? I don't talk the turkey stuffed language for crying out loud!" Ed cried in confusion, grabbing his head with his hands.

"Neither do I…" Al deadpanned.

"You can rest assure, Edward and Alphonse."

"Huh?"

"What Lieutenant Hawkeye means that we have a someone who can actually traduce." Roy explained to them.

"I see…" Fuery turned to look at everyone in the room, "Major Hughes says that he apologizes to Ed and Al for entering the room while you two were asleep and made you think he was "the mummy". He had told the we-don't-know-where-we-got-him-doctor--which his real name is Dr. Akado--to dress him at least as a Christmas tree to avoid confusion. But he refused, saying: "why bother Mr. Hughes when you're getting out of these by hopefully tomorrow?" So Hughes had resigned."

"Okay, but still that doesn't explain why he was sleeping here—and my guess is by hanging on the door."

The Master Sergeant resumes talking. "Well, the reason is, as explained by Hughes, is because when he was at home, all ready hanged and all to sleep, Gracia brought Elycia to him, to give her a goodnight kiss. But to his predicament, little Elycia cried terrified—she also thought that Hughes was a mummy—"

Maes muffled-cried at that. I pity him…

"And thus, he decided to come here as you can see; he hadn't expected the boys here though."

"And how did you came from your house to all the way here?" Al asked incredulously.

"Don't ask." Seriously, don't. But I can assure you that is was a rolling adventure!

"Well it's not trouble at all." Edward says. "Of course you can sleep here, Hughes."

"I'll accommodate him." Armstrong offered his help to hang on the door the is-he-still? Major.

"Ok but be careful." Fuery warned him and he looked over his shoulder. "Uh, can someone take Falman out of the hall?"

"I'll go." The First Lieutenant went straight to the door to help the still unconscious Warrant Officer.

"Me too, Riza!" The Second Lieutenant went after her to help her.

"Oh what the heck." Breda followed suit.

'_So, I was scared all this time… by Maes?'_ Roy scolded. "If anyone needs me, I'll be outside."

"Maes you done it again." The Colonel said to himself after he walked right out of the dorm…The last time his best friend _really_ _did _this kind of stunt on the Flame Alchemist was a few weeks ago, when he came to the headquarters dressed as the Human Torch. Everyone thought he was burning alive! Everything was blamed it on Roy for it…He tried to put out the fire out of Maes. He tried everything. When he realized he couldn't, he started to get scared: he was gonna lose his friend…Maes then told him that that it was all a prank. Roy had been Punk'ed! Thus, he snapped his fingers while running after the Major's butt all day. That was some wild goose chase!

"Mustang?"

The mentioned man turned around to face the Full metal Alchemist, who had a serious look upon his face. "About the punishment; I'll take full responsibility. So…go ahead. But leave Al out of this."

"I hate to say this, but I'm proud of you Full metal; accepting your punishments as a man."

"So…you aren't gonna punish me anymore?"

"I _never_ said that."

"Crap."

Curious of what punishment that Roy would pick for Ed right now? Let's switch to…

Roy's P.O.V.! 

Hmmm…what kind of punishment I should give him…? I began to think hard for a moment…Add the Jeopardy Think Song here.

The music ends…and nothing had occurred to me.

Arrgh! Why this is getting hard? I mean deciding punishments for a soldier is easy as grounding away things, especially things _I'm interested_. For example, their expensive car if it has the name Mustang, anything shiny, occasionally their hot girlfriends who wears mini skirts, etc. If they don't have anything I like or I just don't feel like it, I give 'em the good ol' military torture or then again I ground away things, like I did with Major Armstrong earlier.

Getting back to the issue of deciding Fullmetal's punishment, in this case...I heave a sigh mentally...it is harder than I thought. It's not as if I haven't punished him before. Well I did punish him once—no, many times though. In this one time, I set him up with Maes to see his family picture album. I swear he took like forever! Hell, I even swear that Ed grew one inch of his height!

Then, it hits me…the punishment--the perfect punishment for him!

Yatta!

I look at Ed for a moment, smirking. What the --? Is it me or does he have a slight blush in his cheeks...? To be honest, I couldn't really tell.

"What?" He asked, probably of why I was smirking at him.

"Nothing…" I mumbled, resuming back to thinking.

Okay back to the perfect punishment; hmm, I imagine myself a bed. Why I would imagine bed as a punishment? Oh yeah, I am actually tired…So that's why a bed popped into my mind?

Uh, moving along, in that very same mattress, Fullmetal was sitting on the edge, waiting for someone…I wonder who the hell he's waiting!? I'm gonna torch that person to hell!

Err…I mean, I wonder who is Edward Elric waiting with so much patience? E he he he he…

Shifty eyes.

…Then, Ed's face lightened: the one who he was actually waiting had appeared. Oh hell no! Mr. Snappy Fingers, let's get ready to light that candle!

Uh…scratch that._ I_ was the one who really appeared in the picture i.e. in the room (with the bed, mind you).

Oh great, I'm sick because of a self-insertion. I was jealous of myself…What? I'm hot.

Anyways, ME, stopped my tracks. I'd checked at Ed with a predatory look like he's a bar of Snickers. "You know…you have been a bad boy, Edward." I finally said. Oh yes he was. Indeed. Yeah.

"Yes…I have been a bad boy." God, what a turn on! Ed said it so innocently yet seductive.

"A _very_ bad boy. And do you know what I'm going to do to you?"

"No, _can_ you?" He said in that voice again.

"Glad you asked. I'm going to punish you…"A sexy smirk had surfaced on my lips,"…my way. Before I begin, I command you to take of all your clothes."

EH!?

"Right away, _sir_." Edward purred before saluting at me, getting out of the bed, now standing on his feet. He winked at me; starting to discard all his clothes and his belongings. God help me…After he had done so, I looked at him in intense. I start to get hard…

Ed gives me a puppy look. "Can't, we…take care of your little problem and make an exception this time?"

I chuckled at his excuse. "Nice try, Ed. On your knees."

Ed went to the bed and did it so without any hesitation, but like he was going to crawl.

Not a moment sooner, I raised the whip that was on my hand up in the air, aiming at Ed's exposed ass and--

OH MY GOD! AND THE REST CONTAINS EXTREME HARDCORE YAOI BONDAGE!

Normal P.O.V.!

"Mustang?" Edward called out to the older man who got lost in his trance of thoughts. "Mustang."

"Huh? Wha?" The Colonel went back to reality. Then he noticed the teenager. "Edward. What are you still doing with your clothes on? I thought you were naked."

Ed suddenly has his face flushed with his eyes widen as saucers, "What the hell!?" he almost screamed for the world to hear.

"I said—oh sorry!" Mustang realized what he had said to Ed. "I…I…" He was in a lost for words. Way to go, Roy! If it wasn't for your mouth and hormones, we would have gotten an extended version of your daydreaming yaoi bondage footage later!

"I…Good night, Full metal." With that, he began to walk away hastily, still a little astounded from his thoughts.

"I don't know what has gotten into him all of the sudden." Edward mused as he watched Mustang's retreating form, queerly. "I'm going to sleep. Not like I care…" He shrugged his shoulder before going back to his own dorm.

**Elsewhere…**

It turns out that the elsewhere scene shows Fuhrer King Bradley i.e. Pride, in the FMA Homunculus Society, sitting on a chair with his hands under his chin, his elbows resting on the table and he was under the light while the whole room was dim. He was trying to look ebil and scary he is…besides his covered eye. However, that is not all; he was waiting for certain people to come.

Oh and about the place he is at, I got no specific setting of it. You will see why soon.

Speaking a moment not too long ago of certain peeps, one of them just arrived in the scene. It was Sloth, holding a little bottle in her left hand. "Here you go, Pride. Your specialized eye drops for your eye." She handed the mini bottle to the soon-to-be ex-Fuhrer.

"Thank you Sloth." Pride thanked her before taking the eye drops. "What took you to get them?"

"Oh I apologize. Wrath was being 'out of control', so I was sleeping him."

At that last famous last word said, Wrath showed up in the room sprinting and crying towards Sloth, "Mommy Sloth!" He soon crashed to her body and hid his face on the female homunculi's stomach.

Sloth hugged him in motherly like comfort, in return. "What is it, Wrath? Didn't you were sleeping now?"

"Yeah, but I had a bad nightmare!!"

"Is it again about the final episode of this anime?"

"No worse! I dreamed…about…about…"

"The Gate?" That was the wrong thing Pride had said because Wrath cried anew. "My bad."

Sloth rubbed the young homunculi's back with her now free right hand. "Calm down little one." She said softly, "If it would make you feel any better, we will rip Edward's limbs soon. How that sounds?"

"Much better!" Wrath said happily and grinned at her after getting out from her hug. "Thanks Mommy Sloth!"

"You're welcomed." She smiled at him.

At that exact moment, Lust enters the room along with Gluttony, tied in a rope around his neck.

"Where have you been, Lust?"

"Gluttony needed his midnight snack. So we went to a cheap all you can eat buffet, which he ate all what his stomach pit can handle." Not too mention, he ate the entire restaurant and the people in it as a dessert…

"It was fun!" Gluttony giggled with a drool escaping from the corner of his lips. "Thank you for taking me there, Lust!"

"Good thinking," Pride rubbed his temples, "Last time he ate our secret hideout."

So now you now why the Seven Deadly Sins or more likely the Seven Pain in the Ass, named by Edward, are in this elsewhere unidentified scene…

Envy then made his\her entrance to the room, wearing Greed's dark glasses. "Ok! Guess who I'm imitating?" S\he chirped, putting his\her hand on his\her hips.

"No idea whatsoever." Everyone mumbled in the room except Wrath, who was looking at them, and Gluttony, who was giggling. Uh, a palm tree wearing dark glasses…?

"I'll give you a hint: Love and Peace!" Envy did a peace sign with one hand and grinned. Ah! I get it! Awww! "Get it?" S\he exhale noisily when there was no reply from the others homunculus. "You homunculus peeps are no fun…"

"ENVY!!"

A voice boomed out that had caught everyone's attention in the process.

"Damn. Greed noticed." Envy muttered.

Finally, Greed storms in the room, yelling angrily towards Envy. "Give me my glasses back before I beat the crap out of you!"

"Uh I can't?"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm wearing 'em, duh!" Envy said sheepishly and Greed growled raising a balled fist: a sign of 'ready to beat the fruit and vegetables outta him'.

The palm-tree headed homunculi sighed, "All right, here you go." s\he took off the glasses and handed it back to Greed, who put them back on. Envy now muttered, "Your name should be also "Selfish" when you're not greedy."

"Now that we are all here, why'd you summoned us Pride?" asked Sloth to Pride, and he says, "Yes that. I'm going to send all of you to an important mission."

"Is it from master?" Lust asked at this.

"No. Me. She's still locked up in her room these days…which I'm not sure why."

Strange…me neither…I'm going to find out later.

"Don't tell me the X-Men people insisted at us to join them again." Sloth said.

"Why join then when we can do our own team: The H-Men or 7DS-Men." Wrath said in his opinion.

"Yeah…" Everyone in the room agrees.

"No, it's not that this time…Who gives up?" And everyone in the room raised their hands up in the air without any hesitation at Pride. "The mission is: I need you to watch Colonel Mustang."

"Why him of all people?" Envy asked, putting his\her hand on one of his\her hips, "Why can't we go torture Full metal Pipsqueak as usual?"

"Now those were the days." Lust crossed her arms.

"We can't because we got temporary restrictions orders against him. I gave Mustang a mission that if he wins, he'll take my place as Fuhrer."

"So what? You gave him the mission, and?" Greed didn't care.

"I don't trust him, even if I do…especially with the task. Plus, I don't wanna give him away my cool job."

"What happens if you do?"

"You guys can stop getting free cable, free weekends on your cell phones, not too mention your Razor phones will be taken away and everything else for one percent discount."

"Awww!" Envy, Greed, Wrath, Lust, Sloth and Gluttony groaned aloud.

"So are you all in?"

"Question. What kind of mission did you gave the Colonel?"

"Easy. To make Fullmetal to follow orders in the army; probably Mustang will make him lose his sanity."

"That's the best idea I've ever heard!" Everyone cheered at that, of course.

After they ceased a little…"Well sounds fun to watch my Prince of Cool to get insane, but I cannot participate; I'm the weird "secretary" and I just got sued." Sloth explained as matter of factly.

Ah yes, she just was sued recently by Izumi Curtis, to claim the motherhood rights of Wrath.

"I'll pass though; Marta (sp?), Kimbley…" Greed, leader of Bad Greed's Gang, trailed off for a moment before speaking again, "I forgot the rest of my posse's name and I am going to turn the bar into a pub."

"So that leaves Envy, Lust and Gluttony for the job." Pride said with not so many choices left, and the three-mentioned homunculus thought about doing the dirty work for a minute.

"All right, count me in." Lust joined in.

"I'm so totally down with this!" Envy shipped in.

Moreover, Gluttony, "Can't wait to give Edward a new home in my stomach!" patted his stomach and then he giggled.

"Hey! What about me, Pride!? Why can't I go with 'em!?" Wrath protested, and he kept on at it, plus throwing tantrums, causing everyone's ears to bleed on and on for the rest of the night.

On, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on like the Energizer bunny.

Ok! End of another chapter and the Mughes saga. Now you all can see why I wanted Hughes to look like a mummy…On the next chapter, he'll be back to normal. Then again, I got little ideas for it…

Expect it on the next year.

What? Two days left until 2006's over. I hope good things happens…I wish the best of luck to you people for 2007!

And pretty please, review!

Peace out! And, happy advanced new year to all!


	7. The Next Day

Have no fear, the update is finally here!

Hi people! Again life, school and writer's block is not helping much. Apparently, I could come up with something for this chap and also for Chapter 8, which is in progress, I swear.

Fans of the disturbing view, you'll see it this time on Chapter 8.

Without any further ado, let's get Season Two of: **'We want you or I want you?' **started!

Disclaimer- I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist… nor MySpace, One Winged Angel by the awesome Nobou Uematsu-sama, Sailor Moon, Death Note, The Highschool Musical 2, Inuyasha, and a song unidentified by Electric Six. Yet, I used to own a Polaroid camera!

Chapter 7- The Next Day

**Next day in the morning, as the respective title of this chapter, only without the 'The' that's before the 'Next Day', if you obviously know what I mean. Why? Because that's what the chapter's all about, yo.**

"Before we begin, I would like to announce The SKIRTS Foundation had recently established a web page on the Internet. It's not official, but, as the union develops, which of course the budget and followers, we will establish an official one in the long run. The link of the web page is: www. myspace. com \ babywillhaveaskirt! \colonelmustang. html"

Roy had announced before carrying on with the impromptu "secret meeting" in no other place than the meeting room with his subordinates.

"As you all know, the day before today, we--" he got cut off when he saw the Second Lieutenant raising one of his hands eagerly in the air, while with the other hand held a Ed-sized looking dictionary. "Yes, Lieutenant Havoc?"

"The day before today you just mentioned, chief, I can't find it in the dictionary!!" He cries desperately. "You mean more likely the word yesterday or I have to buy a dictionary phone book-size to look for the word definition?"

Everyone in the room sweat dropped, except Roy who just covered his face with a hand, and sighed.

Riza, being observant, took action to this matter by backslapping Jean.

"Ouch!! Why did ya do that for, Riza!!??" Havoc rubbed his slight injury on the back of his head.

"Because…shut the hell up, Havoc!!" She RAAAAWERD at him!

He quivered down on his seat like a frightened child. "Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you for volunteering to shut him up, Lieutenant Hawkeye." Roy said to her.

She nods slightly. "Anytime, sir."

"As I repeat myself again, which I will not anew….Yesterday, we have achieved the first step of the operation: home welcoming the Elric brothers. Now, to achieve the second step and the others, I need more ideas to get closer to Ed."

Everyone in the room looks at the Colonel with a weird look.

"Not that closer, you sickos!!" Roy screamed with his face flushed. "I mean a way to approach and persuade him like a girl scout selling cookies in a neighborhood!"

"Ooooh!" They now understand him.

God, what is wrong with these people? Roy had meant in a disciplined way to approach Ed...and then get close to him THAT way. Insert the perverted-demented yaoi fangirl laugh.

Ahem, done fantasizing.

"So everyone, grab a paper and a pencil and write off your ideas. Remember, Alphonse is also part of this."

**Meanwhile, speaking of the 'screwed-thank-to-this-operation' Elric brothers…**

"What a night…" Al said as if he has a hangover from drinking excessively.

"My head hurts..." Ed complained, as in the way his younger brother had talked his sentence. "I'm SO gonna kill Hughes…" He swore with a vengeance.

"Brother, it wasn't Hughes' fault about scaring us; he explained why he was there remember." He said as if he didn't hold any grudge against our favorite is-he-still-a-Major?

"Yeah, but…still I'm gonna kill him…" Ed then turn to say under his morning breath, "He slaughtered the lambs' outta me."

"What are you snickering about Al!" He growled at Al, who was snickering for a good reason. "How we were all scared of the 'mummy'!" He breaks into a laughing fit. You know what they say, in a few years, when you look back to the weird shit you were in, you'll laugh at it with your therapist.

"No I wasn't!" Ed was in De-Nile Land. Afterwards, his stomach RAAAAAAWERD! In hunger. "On second thought, I'm so hungry and my head's killing me…"

"Hey brother, didn't Colonel Mustang wasn't gonna punish us for our foolish actions? Did he send us to milk cows at a random farm? Or, to the supermarket to give out milk samples?"

"None of those...thank God."

"Then, what was it?"

"You just don't wanna know. Not in a million years." Ed goes to the door's direction, which he opens it to go to the cafeteria to have breakfast.

Al follows after him, "Aw come on, Ed. It can't be that bad."

"Trust me on this one, Al." Ed closes the door, "IT is." and proceeded to walk forward. He unconsciously walked right to the red carpet that was introduced ever since Chapter 3. It began to do its sole purpose once it sensed an Elric footstep (or even the Taller!Ed Impersonator and the Ok!Al Impersonator): play a random orchestra.

In other words, the red carpet worships the Elric brothers' footsteps whenever it gets walked all over by them or by one of the two! Literally!

"What is that!!!!?" Ed froze in his spot as Al remained where he was currently standing, out of the red carpet of course as the orchestra played for a good minute and fifteen second, approximately. As the music played, the two were trying to figure it out…

The following lyrics of the random orchestra were this:

ESTUANS INTERIUS, IRA VEHEMENTI

ESTUANS INTERIUS, IRA VEHEMENTI

SEPHIROTH!!

SEPHIROTH!!

The music cuts when the chibi unconsciously stumbles out of the carpet, "It stopped." Logically, it did. I mean there was no more freaking sound of the orchestra.

"Oh yeah…The red carpet thingy, I think." Al said with some certainty.

"Damn that Colonel. He's really getting on my nerves." Edo was pissed. Who the heck is Sephiroth, anyways?

**Back to the meeting!**

Seeing everyone done writing and folding the paper, "Good. Now put them on the bowl." Roy indicates with his finger the crystal bowl that was next to him. One by one, they put the paper inn the bowl and passes it to another until it returns to Roy. Since there was nothing to talk about until the serious, important meeting in the afternoon and Sailor Moon was gonna start in a few, the following had been said: "Okay, so this secret meeting's o—"

"Am I late?"

At this words, everyone in the room turned to their gazes to the door. Their eyes lit up as they saw the owner of the voice.

HE has returned in full recovery! He's the man who's a proud owner of a Polaroid and eagerly wants a digital camera for his birthday! The man who plays matchmaker on occasions! The man who joins on good gossips! The man who on one time mysteriously appeared on the Death Note dimension and cooperated on the Kira case investigation (and got killed of when the death note bearer wrote his name and the cause of death: send him back to his own dimension (to hell; instead, he re-appeared on the FMA land instead)! And most importantly, the man we all ubberly adore!

Ladies and gentlemen, I re-present you:

"Major Hughes!" They screamed as if the haven't seem the man in twenty years.

"Wait a minute, if Major Armstrong replaced you…" Falman trailed off wondering…

"I'm terribly sorry, Hughes, I—" Armstrong tried to apologize--

"It's okay, Major Armstrong. I did other arrangements, and you can keep the position from now on." Maes said in a reassuring manner.

"What are you called now?" Fuery asked him.

"His usual name after birth: Maes Hughes, d-oh!" Havoc replied for Hughes.

"Not that stupid!" Hawkeye had meant for the name of the new rank in the military.

"I'm now called…Lieutenant Colonel! Fancy title, eh?"

"You'll move to the Southern?" Roy now asks. Maes looked at him, "I maybe outta do that. After all, there cannot be two Lieutenant Colonels in a headquarter." He said the.

So yes, there is another Lieutenant Colonel before Hughes, who goes by the name of Frank Archer, who became a bad copy of the Terminator in the series. People around the headquarters calls him "Archernator". Well used to—Archer couldn't take the nicknames anymore and went to a local talk show, where he received a makeover to return him back to his original self and a little book of coupons discounts.

"Not to worry, Hughes. I am going to do the impossible so you don't have to move to the Southern Headquarters." Roy says to his best friend in determination.

And, everyone else nods in agreement in unison with him.

Maes went aww as he saw that they are going to do anything from stopping to go elsewhere--they cared for him! Aww, don't we all? "Aww, shucks! Thank you, guys! Now that I'm feeling super better, who wants to see this!?"

OMG! He had taken out from his pockets...**NEW PICTURES!**

And, they all started to feel intimidated by just looking at it! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Run away!

"On second thought, I'm gonna go work on that impossible thing right now." Roy said hastily, trying to leave the room as fast he could muster.

"Roy, you promised!" Maes reminded the Colonel like a wife reminding her husband to take her out in the night, which it stopped him.

"Yeah that… But if you move away, how the hell I'm going to ever see the dammed pictures again?"

"You're right..." Yeah, what he said it actually made sense... "Go work on it, amigo!" and Roy salutes him before really leaving this time.

Maes now looks at Hawkeye in interest i.e. as a target, "Uh, I think I got a call from my pet Black Hayate!" She went off to leave the room as fast as she could.

Oh, Black Hayate...he's a dog, right? "Aaaaaaah!" Breda screamed in fear and in realization as he ran out of the room without any hesitation.

"I am sorry, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, but I got to go and flex my beauties!" Armstrong stretched his muscles with sparkles around his face, and proceeds to leave the room.

"I wish I could stay but I got job to do now, sorry, Lieutenant Colonel." Fuery excused himself before going AWL in all honesty.

"I understand." Maes said in understanding.

"My eyes are glued." Falman simply said to him.

"Go ahead." Maes said as if he gave him the blessings to leave on a trip, which it is out of here.

"I, uh, my doctor discovered I have lung cancer from smoking! I have treatment therapy in a few minutes!" Havoc said running quickly out of the room after said words.

Now Hughes was the only one in the room. Oh well, they didn't want to see the pictures... Wait...there's always a victim--_a person _who would always watch them: Sheska. He grins evilly as he pondered. Oh yes, she will scream in horror as he shows her one picture after another with details explained by him! This time, pictures are the last vacation on Disneyland! Muahahahahahaha -cough, cough, hack, cough- haha!

**Later at the cafeteria...**

"This is getting weirder…"

"I'll say."

"First the red carpet, then a homecoming party, and now this…a V.I.P. lunch table with fine food and a bodyguard, exclusively for us?"

"Oh that explains the starings." Ever since the two of them arrived at to have breakfast, in Ed's case, they've found a table reserved for them with good food and a bodyguard, as if it was the exclusive popular kids' table at school. Of course, other soldiers, naturally, watched them as others didn't care and so on. "I better eat fast so I can get out from here. I mean, what else can go wrong?"

"Hey Ed and Al!" a voice called out while approaching to the Elrics' V.I.P. table, none other than the Flame Alchemist himself. "I see you're enjoying the fine exquisite food. I hope is not the slop they're serving."

"Yeah, we are…" Ed and Al replied monotonously in unison as they poked their food with a fork like if it was vegetable and they didn't want to eat it.

Roy takes a seat beside Ed, whom observes him without thinking it twice: the man looked like he wasn't going to leave anytime soon, making him kind of suspicious. "Mustang, what brings you here? Aren't you supposed to do military boring stuff?" the chibi of the trio questioned.

"Oh, yeah. I was supposed to be lecturing and discipline our male rebel soldiers at the moment, and I put Lieutenant Hawkeye for the task: she's perfect for it."

"In other words, act like a man-bitch to the soldiers for their wild behavior?"

"In a figure of speech, yes... Hey! Who's a man-bitch? Never mind, Ed. You were just trying to establish a point here."

"Uh-huh, right..." Ed sweat dropped.

"So, what is your agenda for today?"

"Actually, the agenda for today is slim to none." Alphonse this time replied.

"Glad you said that, Alphonse! You see, I was thinking if the three of us could do something like the good buddies do when they are together. For example: belch together, shave our faces together, flirt the chicks together, brush our teeth together, and do everything else together!"

"Uh," He and Al must get out of this one, FASTFOWARD AND PRONTO! Ed thought as he thought of a good excuse he uses on Maes whenever is that time again. Mustang looked like IT again (see Chapter 3 for reference)... Ed finally chooses an excuse that's already over used, only recycled, but still works like a charm: "I think I hear our mother calling us from the heavens above!"

Al looks at his older brother in confusion, "We did?"

"Yes, we did! Let's go now, Al! We gotta make a really long distance call to her!" Before Roy and Al could even question the Fullmetal Alchemist's antics, the same grabs his younger brother by the arm and drags him away like a flying kite, running out of the room.

Nano seconds later...

"Colonel Mustang, there you are." Roy looks behind him to find Hawkeye arriving in the scene and stopped before him. "I came to inform you that I have fully taken care of the situation."

"You mean turned the rebel soldiers into sissies frolicking in a meadow with discipline? Excellent. Keep up it up and you get to be our next Fuhrer..." Last time Riza did the task, the rebel male soldiers decided to become male-ballerinas or hippies... Wait, Roy quickly regretted what he said: Fuhrer-ess Riza Hawkeye? Man, that sounds as bad if miniskirts never existed! And women would be more tougher than men in the world! It'll be a crueler and darker world... he thought nearly in an emo-angsty way. "How about another badge to your collection then?"

"It's all right. I'm just doing my job." She said in satisfaction and with some pride.

Roy chuckles a little, "You are going to make your future husband happy and...in control... like Black Hayate." Which reminds him, who would wear the pants between the two anyways? It's a complex issue there... "Say, how's the little guy?"

"He's all right-- he gets disciplined everyday." Then, the First Lieutenant remembers something very important: Roy was actually charming her to talk his way out of something! "Oh yes, and I'm going to remind that you have paperwork to do." Take that, you charming ass wipe!

"Do I have to?" the Colonel whined. Keyword: almost.

"Yes. Now go to your office and do your task right now."

"But--"

"_**Now**_."

With that famous last word, Roy goes to his office to do his paperwork, Hawkeye walking right behind him since he can find other ways to escape from it, in a probability of 99.9 plus one percent.

**Elsewhere...**

Like where I've mysteriously mentioned, Lust and Gluttony were standing on the pavement, waiting for someone. The place is actually Central's market, also known as Central's Mall.

From one of the stores nearby, the door opens to reveal Envy coming out of the place. He\She has a glee look on his\her face as he\she held a white bag in his\her right hand. He\she looks to his right and finds his\her other homunculi brother and sister and approaches to them.

"Guys! You are not gonna believe it! Like, I bought this brand spankin' shiznit!" He\She said gleefully, earning both of the other two homunculi's attention, and took out the items that were in the white bag.

Gluttony looked intently the two items with a drool in the corner of his mouth. "What are those? Can I eat it?"

"No, Gluttony. Are you mad? Nobody eats The Highshool Musical 2 DVD and soundtrack!" Envy huffed at the Ultimate All-In-One World's Hunger.

"Don't tell me we are going to watch the sequel of that crap." Lust said coldly.

"Hm? How did you know?"

"I took a wild guess." She said in sarcasm, slightly shrugging her shoulders.

"Ah c'mon, Lust. What's wrong with The Highschool Musical movie?"

"Envy, that movie was on for the past three months on our Homunculus Friday Nights of Dinner and Movie."

"Hey, what can I say? I so love that movie, the songs and choreography!" The Ultimate Molding Playdo beamed. "Vanity and the rest of the girlfriends are so gonna love it! And she's gonna envy me for it."

Lust sighs in frustration.

Hearing this, Envy furrowed his\her eyebrows, putting his\her hands on his\her hips. "Hey, do I have to remind you that I'm the leader here? Because P--"

"Pride left you in charge, we know already."

Again hearing the statement of the irritated female homunculus, Envy grins, "As a leader, I command us to find Vanity, Fury, Irony, Serenity, Shy, Phobia, and the others so we can all watch the movie."

"What about the mission?" Gluttony asked.

"Oh, that. We'll begin tomorrow. Now, let's move out cuz...we're in this all together!"

"One more word from it and I'll sic Gluttony on the DVD!" Lust practically screamed.

**Six Hours Later In The Meeting Room...**

After Roy watched Inuyasha during his horrendous paperwork task, he and his subordinates were in the mentioned room on the important military meeting previously mentioned...or more likely, they seemed like they were waiting for someone to actually get on with the event.

"When this meeting ever going to start?" Havoc moaned in complaint.

"When Lieutenant Colonel Archer appears, Havoc; he's important in this meeting." Hawkeye explained severely.

"Yeah, but, it has been three hours and he hasn't gave any life signal." Maes said, according from what was currently happening.

"So tired..." Falman complained.

"So hungry..." Breda complained.

"I wanna go home..." Fuery complained.

"I agree." Armstrong said in agreement to the ones whom complained.

Considering their complaint and that fact it has been four hours since the meeting was supposed to start, Roy announces the following: "Since Lieutenant Colonel Archer is officially missing in action, the meeting will be held at 08:00 hours in the morning. Dismissed."

Everyone salutes at the Flame Alchemist before getting up from their seats to leave the room, until the very next day.

**At the Devil's Nest…**

"What do you mean you have to go, Kimbley!?"

Zolf J. Kimbley ran his hand through his hair and emits a sigh before replying to the enraged Ultimate Comfort and Protection-- something akin to sanitary napkins, and among others. "As you heard for the last 20th time today, Greed, I'm leaving and I quit. Is a big world out there and I wanna explore it."

"You have lots of time. You promised you would cooperate with th—"

Kimbley cuts him off, grunting in exasperation. "You can find another person for that." He waved one of his hand dismissively. "See you around!" With that, he grabs his belongings from the floor and walks right to door, in order to leave the Devil's Nest...

...and leaving Greed for good.

Martha pretends to walk around after she noticed Kimbley coming out of the room. He walks right pass her. In the now little distance between them, she stops her pretending tracks, "Going somewhere?" and asks, making the Crimson Alchemist to stop his tracks as well and looks at her before replying.

"Yup. I'm leaving this joint. Later, Martha!" He waved at her before walking away again without saying another word.

The Lizard Chimera watches his retreating form for a minute, and frowns:_ 'I knew that asshole would leave us anytime soon...' _She knew by instinct that the Crimson Alchemist was going to leave the joint and do whatever thing he has in mind, of course not giving a damn about it.Leaving her angry thought aside, she decides to do what she was going to do before she'd accidentally overheard the discussion between him and his now ex-boss.

After entering the room, Martha finds Greed facing quietly the north wall of the room, not getting the awareness of his right hand clenching into a fist.

"Greed, I—"

"That..." Greed started in a calm, and then snaps into rage, "...FUCKING BASTARD!" he slams his fists to a nearby table, breaking it in the process. "These days when I need him, he just has to have an excuse and runs off somewhere else! And now, he leaves me like that…"

Martha was stunned: she had never seem him or never in her life thought he would show a state of emotion as a normal human does when things do not go their ways: disappointment. The homunculus is as tough as a rock, but... everyone breaks once in a while, no matter who or what they are...Right?

Still, that doesn't prevent her from saying a word to him. When she was about to, Greed looks up to her as if he already knew she was in the room, regaining slightly his composure. "Oh…Martha." He says in his usual casual tone to her, making her feel at ease, "Didn't noticed ya there. Do you want something?"

**At the Bar in Central**

"Something is really going on with Lieutenant Colonel Archer." Roy began. He and Hughes were at the Bar having drinks of cold ones, like he'd promised, as they sat on separate stools in front of the bartender's bar. However, instead of enjoying the occasion, the two were serious and they were even more once Mustang brought the concerning subject of the Lieutenant Colonel.

Maes looked at him, and then turns to his cold glass of beer, "I'll say. He's been having a funny behavior; like as if he is hiding something."

"Yes. And from what Lieutenant Hawkeye and the others from the headquarters had told me earlier, it all began around two months ago." His eyes half-lidded as he stared down his own glass of beer, "I must report this to Fuhrer Bradley as soon as possible."

**In an Unknown Alley**

Kimbley was mean and lean against a random wall of the place with his arms crossed and his eyes closed, waiting for someone like one of those fine badasses in a movie waiting for whatever thing they are waiting for. He had been waiting on the spot for the last hour for the person, and, he was starting to get impatient.

To blow away his impatience in a good timing, an old fashioned car arrives on the scene: it stops and parks before Kimbley. _'Must be him...'_ He opens his eyes and grabs his belongings that was placed on the floor beside him and walks to the car, opening the second door of the right side of the car to put his belongings there and closes the door. Then, he opens the passenger's door. After he made himself comfortable on the passenger's seat, he closes the door shut.

"You are late, Lieutenant Colonel." Kimbley spoke to the person on the driver's seat. "I apologize. I had much distractions today." It was none other than Frank Archer, replying in a apologetic tone. "Really, I…"

"Oh, forget it."

Hearing this, Archer clears his throat before starting the ignition, putting the gear-level on Drive (D), pushes with his feet the accelerator and drives away, shifting the balance wheel a little to the left of the road.

There had been ten minutes straight of silence...and Archer breaks it by talking, without taking his eyes of the road as he drove: "So, Kimbley…have you thought of accepting my offer?"

"Yeah. As long I can get away from some things... especially from some demented stalker." He said as if he needed an obligatory vacation.

"Uh..." Archer nearly gulped at that last sentence, the one that mentioned 'STALKER', which I wonder why... "...so I take it as a yes?" He looked at Kimbley, who nods as an answer.

"Thank you, Kimbley. I promise you won't regret it." Archer said in serious gratitude, looking back to the road. On his mind, a chibi of himself danced and went YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!111111UNO!!!ONE!

"Whatever, Lieutenant Colonel." Kimbley shrugs his shoulders.

"My name is Frank Archer." He reminds the Crimson Alchemist, "Feel free to call me Frank."

"I'll try to remember that... Anyways, where are you taking me to?"

Suddenly, lyrics of a certain song by Electric Six popped into his mind--he quickly shooked his head rapidly, shoving the song aside and cutting the music off. "You'll know once we get there."

**Back In the Central Headquarters**

Roy had came back not too long ago from the bar. He walked around the hall where the dorms where, going for his own dorm to sleep. Suddenly, he stops in front of one of the dorm's dorm, which it was familiar. Without thinking it twice, he proceeds to knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Then, the door opens to reveal Alphonse. "May I come in?" the Colonel asks. "Sure, you can come in, Colonel Mustang." Al said kindly, letting him pass inside the room.

Ed was sitting on the lower bed, and he looks up as Mustang had entered the room. "Is there an overnight mission or any military related issue?" He went straight to the point.

"Not really. I thought I would check on you two before I go to bed." Was Roy's answer.

"Which reminds me, I have to go somewhere." Al said promptly, turning to leave the room since he was already by the door.

"Exactly where?" Ed asked with curiosity.

"_Somewhere_, Ed." With that, Al leaves the room to Idunno Ville.

"Odd..." He said as he watched his younger brother's retreating form.

Couldn't agreed with him... Roy agreed mentally with the teen. "Edward." He looks at him, "You know about what was going to happen earlier? I'm gonna remind you that today, you went off the hook thanks to you going AWL on me and Lieutenant Hawkeye. But, who knows what tomorrow from now on will bring." Roy said the last sentence in irony.

"Listen, Mustang. I know you are up to something--whatever it is, I suggest you to leave me and Al out of it because we are not cooperating in your dirty jobs and whatnot. You have other bitches under your command, don't you? Why not use them?"

The tone of Edward's voice was serious and somewhat icy.

However, Roy seemed unfazed by his words: "Now you listen to me, Elric," he narrows his eyes at him, "You happen to be key of something I've been wanting to obtain in a long time. It happens that the opportunity appeared to me. I'm not going to let go of it; not now, not never." He leans his face over to the teen's, merely inches away to touch nose to nose. "Keep in mind that when I want something, I do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means playing clean or dirty."

The way the Flame Alchemist talked the last sentence was passionate--in literal, fire burned in his eyes. Almost...intimidating... "One way or another, I'm going to get you, Fullmetal." He now says coolly, turning to leave the room.

"Not if I can't help it!" Ed said in protest.

"Can it." Roy shows his notorious smirk after he turned around to face him again, "Well, I'm glad we had this conversation as the size of your height. Goodnight." This time, he begins to walk away.

Ed starts to growl and clench a fist. That…BASTARD!

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT I COULD SLEEP ON A LOAF OF BREAD!?"

Hearing this and on of Edo's declaration of his death, Roy's smirk widen as he made his way to his own dorm. Oh yes, the operation is gonna be a blast, indeed.

A\N: Ooooookay... Well, there goes the beginning of Season Two of the fic! Now please review and tell me your love, hate or disgust for this! It's like a contribution for the fic to get updated with brand spankin' chapters.

Ciao!


End file.
